by Danielle Zarcaro

Created on: July 10, 2009   Last Updated: July 12, 2009

There are going to be arguments in any relationship, friendship or otherwise. One of the most important and useful ways to avoid this is communication. As much as it is made fun of in movies and television (and how funny it can be), in real life communicating is the only way to get across what you are thinking and how you are feeling. It sounds obvious, but sometimes it is the obvious that becomes the hardest to follow.

Unless you are purposely being passive aggressive (which is terribly unhealthy and an all-around bad idea), your best bet is to say how you are feeling. Before making any type of big change in your relationship (and here I'm thinking something like moving in with your friend or girlfriend), it is important to set some ground rules. As corny as it may seem, the best thing you can do for your future mental health and stress levels is communicate.

Don't overdo it. I'm not advocating complaining. There's a type of balance between what you say and when you say it. There's no need to discuss what you hate about your friend/girlfriend the second you've finished unpacking the car, but don't let a situation get out of hand before saying something. It is unhealthy to let your anger and annoyance build up, and it is unpleasant for those around you to experience the explosion of emotion that occurs after this bottling-up of emotion.

So what do you say?

If you can't bombard your roommate with demands about living, and you can't just let it go all the time, when is the right time to say something? And what do you say when that time comes?

Unfortunately, there is no exact answer. I know, I know... you were looking for the solution to the problem. But I'm not an all-knowing being; every situation is different. But I can give you some tips that can help with communication - and some things you should try to avoid if you want to have a healthy relationship.

When do I say something? Feel out the situation.

Sometimes the perfect situation will arise. Maybe the other person (or people) bring it up. If that's the case, listen to what she (or he) has to say, say your part, and compromise. If, by chance, the situation does get out of hand, try to settle it as soon as possible. If you sense your roommate/friend/girlfriend is acting strangely or being short with you, bring it up as nicely as possible. If he or she gets mad at you, try to explain that you meant no harm and just wanted to make sure everything was OK. Try not to be defensive; be as complacent as

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