by Rob Purifoy

Created on: July 10, 2009   Last Updated: July 12, 2009

There are two ways insecurity exists in a relationship, pre-existing and created within one due to actions against the partner. Pre-existing conditions of insecurity is a destroyer of relationships and until the insecure person can let go of the past there will be no healthy future relationships. We have all heard of the term "baggage", and insecurity is usually something that is packed in those bags and eventually unleashed on the unsuspecting partner. We are creatures of memory and learning which keeps us safe, however this can backfire if we keep bad memories and apply them to everyone that we meet thereafter.

It's important in a relationship to take each person on their own merit and don't assume they are just like the last person or "everyone else". There are always differences in personalities that we have to adapt to with each other, but this does not include dealing with unfounded assumptions on the part of the other-that's unfair. The worst part of assuming that the other person will do the same as the person in your past is that you can create your own self-fulfilling prophesy which will destroy the relationship.

There are also different kinds of insecurity, the most common of which is the hope of faithfulness, but there is also a literal meaning which would lead to insecurity through financial fears. And then there is the insecurity in oneself, of their looks, social attitude, life achievement or maybe even doubt to their own worthiness. Some of these things lead to deep seeded psychological issues that have nothing to do with your partner yet they feel it and live it throughout the relationship. The injustice in some of this is that no matter how much the other partner tries, their efforts might be confounded at every turn thus causing further damage to the partner, and then further causing the insecure one to believe that they were right all along. In reality they fulfilled their own prophesy that their mate might leave them or otherwise do something that builds on the insecurity. Many times insecurity is a product of low self esteem likely brought on in childhood either by parents, peers or otherwise.

"Inter-relationship created" insecurity may not be much easier to deal with but at least the reason for it is known rather than having to pay for the sins of some past relationship your mate had. In this case, one of the partners knows they did something that created the insecurity and both parties can choose to deal with it or end the relationship.

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