by Jac Emma John

Created on: July 10, 2009   Last Updated: July 12, 2009

You quarreled, you fought, you attended counseling sessions, you even tried a romantic getaway to patch things but ended up with both of you hating each other even more. When all fail, you have finally found one thing that both of you could agree upon after all these agonies DIVORCE. After signing the documents and you are finally on your own again, you feel free and relieved, and then what?..

The very first effect of divorce is that you seem to be surrounded by a strange kind of quietness.. The house is very quiet, too eerily quiet that you even wish to have your ex back here quarrelling and bickering with you again. If you have children, you may have to deal with their constant asking for the daddy or mommy. They add pressure to your already stressful situation.

While married, you may split the bills with your spouse, contributing half, or more or not at all to the household expenditure. Once divorced, you have a different load of financial responsibilities. The society expects husband to support the ex till she finds a new partner. I personally think that with all feminist movement and equality talk, both parties should only be responsible for themselves but equally for the children. What is a divorce if you still have to depend on your ex for financial support? When we sever the tie, we cut it off totally otherwise it will strain ourselves emotionally. You have only chosen to divorce each other because there is really no way you can tolerate each other any longer. No point trying to be cordial or be friend, this is probably achievable but definitely not right after the divorce.

The man has to learn to take care of his own life again, from preparing breakfast, doing laundry, housekeeping to grocery shopping. The wife will have to live with divorced or single status again and be the talk of the town (family) for an unbearable period, regardless of the duration. All these frustrations can sometimes cause the recently divorced to regret their act and try to redeem their relationship again. In fact, more often than not, it is the unfamiliar and unpredictable that caused their anxiety, not a rekindled love.

Divorce is a major life changing step, and no one can go through a divorce without feeling the loss. The important thing is that if you decide that divorce is the only option, you must first prepare yourself with the consequences awaiting you after you are a single again. To be able to live an independent life financially and emotionally is a must if you expect life after divorce to be better than your current situation. If you can't even feed yourself, you will have to pray hard that you have very supportive friends and families who are willing to tie you through this hell until you are able to stand on your own feet. Bear in mind though you should not expect the support to be for a indefinite period.

If your ex has a new partner and decides to live in together at your house the second you move out, you should not expect him to do otherwise for your sake. If your ex has any consideration for your feeling, you will not be divorcing him. Have realistic expectations, so you don't have to wound your broken heart when the realities don't live up to your fantasies. Again and again, remind yourself of your new status and do not jump into a relationship just so that you can win your ex in the new partner searching competition. After all, the divorce is supposed to set you free, not to trap or haunt you with old nightmares.

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