by Kamryn Adams

Created on: July 09, 2009   Last Updated: July 10, 2009

Parents do their absolute best to raise their children to do better and be better than themselves. But, it doesn't always happen that way. Many children repeat the same mistakes that their parents made. The best way to avoid this is to understand why this happens. There are a few theories.

The main reason so many children repeat the mistakes of their parents is because they don't realize that their parents have made mistakes. An alcoholic must first admit there is a problem, right? Well it's no different in dealing with other behaviors. If children don't see the parents' behavior as a problem then they are more likely to repeat that behavior. A lot of parents will not sit down with their children and discuss the mistakes they've made. At an age appropriate time, parents should sit down with their children and talk through the lessons they've learned and mistakes they made. Parents should tell the children about regrets and hard times that came from making poor decisions. Transparency is the key for children to learn from their parents mistakes.

Another reason that children repeat the same mistakes as their parents is because they don't how to fix the behavior. If the parents never learned from their mistakes, it is difficult for children to develop the skills to correct the behavior. If no one ever teaches a child how to balance a checkbook, of course, the child will bounce checks like the parent. In order to change learned behavior, you need tools to head in a new direction. When these tools are not present via a parent, schooling, or mentoring, the children often repeat the same mistakes their parents made.

Sometimes children do recognize the mistakes their parents have made. They also may have the tools to behave differently. However, the children lack the effort to do so. It's discouraging to make mistakes. It doesn't feel good, even when you learn a valuable lesson. So instead of getting back up on two feet to try again, children are often inclined to stay down and repeat the mistake. After all, their parents survived, right? When parents fail, children feel they have the right to fail too. And they do. However, children should fail in their own endeavors not those created by the generation before them.

There are plenty of mistakes to be made in life. We don't have to repeat the ones from our parents. With open communication and transparency with our children, we can help them avoid the mistakes we've made.

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