by Jennifer Brister

Created on: February 06, 2007   Last Updated: February 20, 2009

Relationships can be tricky, especially when you suspect that your mate might be cheating on you. But, really, what constitutes cheating? Flirting? Dinner? Kissing? Sex? In such murky water, it's good to be clear with your partner on the specifics of this issue.

If you are the one in the ambiguous territory, consider this: Would you feel comfortable doing whatever it is that you are doing in front of your mate? If not, then your mate would probably consider it cheating. If you are flirting with someone else in a provocative manner and would not want your partner to walk in on you, then you should back off and consider your actions. Also, if you find yourself lying to your partner about where you have been or who you have been talking to, then your partner would most likely constitute that as cheating.

There is a very fine line between flirting and cheating. It is what one of my friends calls the "water-cooler test". A casual hello or chat at work with that cute guy is fine, but if you are in a committed relationship, remember that intent is 3/4th's of the law. If you know that "cute guy" goes to the water cooler at 3:52pm every day and you make it a point to be at that water cooler at 3:51pm and a half every day, then you might have a problem. The problem is that you are flirting with intention. Intention to see them as much as possible and intention to push along your relationship a little further.

There is no crime in enjoying someone's company. Just remember that breaking up with someone to pursue other interests is so much more kind than cheating on them and making you both feel horrible.

If you suspect that your mate might be cheating, carefully observe their actions. Have their habits recently changed drastically? Do you feel as if they are pulling away from you? Before you jump off the deep end and angrily accuse them of cheating, you should have a loving, rational conversation with them first. Tell them you feel as if they are distant from you and ask if anything is wrong. Give them a chance to explain their erratic behavior before jumping to the conclusion that they are cheating. It may be something else entirely that is distracting them.

If you don't get a satisfactory answer, you may want to ask them outright if there is someone else. Even if they are angry that you asked, it is better to open up an honest conversation about the subject than to hold in your feelings and to harbor ill intent.

Open communication and honesty are key in any relationship. Cheating should be defined at the beginning of the relationship and having plenty of respect for each other will keep the relationship happy and in line.

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