by Marie Hutchison

Created on: July 09, 2009

Marriage is an interesting concept in our society because it is celebrated so elaborately, yet it only has a fifty-percent success rate. Is the divorce rate evidence that marriage can not continue without the couple being in love?

NO, I do not believe that the divorce rate is so high simply because fifty percent of married couples unexplainably stop being in love. I believe the divorce rate is so high because many people have unrealistic ideas of what being in love is, and therefore, they give up and stop trying. It is easier to quit than to make something work. It is my belief that marriage, like all good things in life, takes effort. In my mind, marriages fail because the two people never truly loved each other or because the two people quit trying.

Couples who never truly loved one another may have gotten caught up in the "feeling" of love, which is an important component. However, it is not the only component. The feeling of love is when we cannot stop thinking about the other person, and we are physically attracted to him/her. Love as a feeling is an important component of a happy marriage, but it is not the only component. One needs to go into a marriage with an idea of logic as well as "feelings" for their partner. The logical couple might ponder questions such as these: Will this person treat me with respect and think of my needs occasionally or is this person a bit selfish? How does this person respond to difficult situations? Do we share similar beliefs about God, politics, raising children, etc.? (I do not believe that all couples need to have the exact same beliefs, but I do believe it is a good idea to understand each other's stance on certain issues.) The point is that love feelings can slowly be diminished if daily issues become prevalent.

Marriages made up of couples who loved each other and thought about the realistic side of love may also fail if one or both persons quit trying. Marriage is something that is with you day in and day out. At first, your love and marriage might be like a trip to the beach. It is beautiful and new and exciting; we cannot get enough of it. But, if we spent the rest of our lives on the beach, it might lose a little bit of its appeal. It is still beautiful and we can still appreciate it, but it is not as easy to remember how fortunate we are to have it. It is my belief that some marriages fail because one or both persons quit trying; they do not care to appreciate the other person and do not want to see his/her beauty. It is easier to find a new "beach" and to marvel in its beauty for awhile.

Overall, I do not think that our society as a whole places much value in the covenant of marriage. Individuals who decide to get married do not seem to consider that this is quite possibly the most monumental decision of their lives. The excitement and attention of a wedding seems to override the importance of a happy marriage. Thus, if everyone in our society truly believed in the vows he/she took at the altar-for better or worse-marriages would continue happily because people would not go into a marriage without considering the depth of the decision they are making.

Learn more about this author, Marie Hutchison.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.