by Brenda Haak

Created on: February 05, 2007   Last Updated: July 19, 2010

Shyness can be a paralyzing 'disorder' that can cause you to miss out on many of the wonderful things life has to offer. It can be defined as [sometimes extreme] discomfort or inhibition in interpersonal situations that interferes with pursuing one's goals.

Specific, situational shyness involves experiencing the symptoms of shyness in social performance situations but not incorporating it into one's self-concept.

Shyness may be triggered by a wide variety of situations or interactions. Some of the most common causes of shyness are: authorities, one-on-one opposite sex interactions, intimacy, strangers, having to take individuating action in a group setting, and initiating social actions in unstructured, spontaneous behavioral settings.

From my own experiences, shyness seems to stem from a sort of insecurity, or fear, of being judged. It is usually much easier for me to interact with another person in a one-on-one setting. However, in a group setting, my mind can go blank and I feel as though I can't breathe. I dwell on trying to come up with an answer that will get me through that moment when I will be called on to speak. My body often tenses up to the point of getting charlie horses in my calves and I begin to sweat. Sometimes, depending on the situation, I have even given myself migraine headaches due to increased stress form the situation.

However, shyness does not always occur for me in interpersonal situations. I find it occurs when I am feeling unfamiliar with a subject or when I am unfamiliar with the other people around me.

The thing that seems to help me the most in a situation when I am feeling uneasy and shy is to breathe. Here are some tips that you may find useful.

1. Breathe. Take several long, steady, deep breaths when faced with a situation that seems daunting. This will help you to relax.
2. Realize that if a situation seems scary, it is probably something you should be facing - as personal growth is likely to come from facing your fears.
3. The next time you are a situation that causes you to feel shy, make a conscious decision to be just a little bit more outgoing than normal. This might involve doing something as small as offering a smile, making eye contact, asking a question, or offering a compliment.
4. Be patient with yourself. Overcoming a fear can be a difficult thing to do, and it often takes time and practice.
5. Remember that you are a special person with unique talents and strengths.
6. Realize that each of us feels shy at one point or another. Someone else in the room is likely feeling shy or uneasy, as well.

Shyness can be overcome by repeatedly putting yourself in the very situations that cause fear. Through the repetition of successfully getting through an uncomfortable situation you will begin to learn to not be afraid of what other people think of you or of their reactions. You will gain more confidence in yourself as you realize, "this is something I CAN do!"

Learn more about this author, Brenda Haak.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.