by Mary Rice

Created on: July 08, 2009

Being a teenager sucks. You are too big for somethings but not old enough to do others. Your friends opinions matter a lot and along with all of this your trying to figure out how you fit into the world and your own skin. Then you add in parents!

As the parent of a teen who actually likes being around me, I wondered why that was, so I asked her. It was a rather enlightening list. I've added a few of my own thoughts to it, but essentially my daughter said that the following are the things that I do or have done that make it easier for her to be a teenager.

Listen to them, even if what they are saying seems silly or weird. My daughter has some very weird dreams, which I often get to hear first thing in the morning, usually before coffee. I don't always understand her dreams, and sometimes they are very weird, but I listen and sometimes actually comment.

Don't always have a solution to their problems. Sometimes a teen just needs to vent. According to my daughter I actually listen and don't always have a solution ready. Sometimes they just need an ear and a hug.

Teach them things. It helps them have self confidence. Even if it's just something like how to make a grilled cheese sandwich. I didn't realize that this helped, however my daughter pointed out that if something were to happen to me she at least would be able to cook herself a decent meal and have clean clothes. Go figure.

Be a good example to them. They are watching even it if doesn't seem like it. Through my actions in my day to day life I have endeavored to set a good example in personal conduct and work ethics. I was informed that I've showed her that even if you don't want the job you're interviewing for, go into the interview with a good attitude and looking sharp.

Be honest with them. Lying to them makes it harder to trust anyone about anything. Teenagers are testing new waters and questioning everything around them. Many of the things they thought were true turn out not to be. Being honest with them means that there is one less thing or person to mistrust, thus less stress. If I have learned nothing else about teens it's this one simple thing.

Love them unconditionally. Even if they don't acknowledge it, teens still need love and acceptance more then ever. Though my daughter didn't say this helps, I've always loved her unconditionally and it makes a difference I think in how were interact with each other.

Avoid trying to act like you are their age as far as dress or actions, unless of course that is how you are naturally. The potential to embarrass your teen is great, and they have enough potential from friends and themselves, they don't need it added to. In our case I tend to forget my real age anyway, and half her friends put me at ten years younger then I am, so it's not an issue with us. Be that as it may, I have seen parents that engage in this and I suspect that this is why so many teens want little to do with their parents.

There are no hard and fast rules when dealing with teens, so the above are suggestions. Do as you will with them, however as you do bear in mind that many of them came from a teenagers mouth; just before she trotted out the door to go hang out with friends, looking slightly moth-eaten and emo. Her parting words were simply, Love you Mama. I guess I'm doing something right huh?

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