by Rina Dhadra

Created on: February 05, 2007   Last Updated: May 14, 2007

I don't go to funerals. I avoid them, not because I am rude in disposition, I just feel awkward in these situations. I rarely know what to say to the bereaving family, anything I say would sound trite, no matter how sincere the feeling behind those quivering words. Yet I found myself at a funeral here in Golders Green, London. She wasn't related to me, she wasn't a close friend and yet I felt compelled to go. I simply had to pay my last respects. Maybe I am just growing up and better able to convey my condolences. No, that isn't very convincing, my attendance was impulsive; I guess these situations are usually bereft of long term planning.

At some stage in our relatively short lives, we will be exposed to the passing of someone we know. That's a morbid thought, the prospect of attending the funeral of someone who has made an impression in my life, in some shape or form. This is unfortunately a proven science; we will all have to face our death at sometime. Religion, for many, is a way of life that eases the burden of their own death.

This young lady, whom I had known for sometime, had died of cancer. She left behind a husband and young toddler. What was poignant about her death was the dignity with which she coped with her illness and made her final exit. Maybe this was why I needed to be at Golders Green Crematorium on that balmy Thursday afternoon. In her dying moments she asked her husband to undress her, she wished to depart in the same way she arrived 32 years earlier, naked. This was her return to nature. She was not averse to medical intervention, she would have willingly returned to her full life if her cancer had been cured. Unfortunately, medical intervention failed her, rather than being consumed by self-pity and fear she accepted her fate as determined by Mother Nature. It is the graciousness with which she prepared for her imminent departure that drew me to her, albeit a little late in life.

Death through illness brings the survival of the fittest theory to mind. These old Darwinian theories explained how early man survived and how the stronger genes thrived through generations, this law being similarly applied to the animal kingdom. We are fortunate enough to have access to medicine for certain illnesses, furthermore it is apparent that for some, the treatment they receive cures their illness, unfortunately for others, nature prevails over a potential cure and it is in these cases that the Darwinian theories of survival are discernible.

Today, with

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