by Robert Bruton

Created on: July 07, 2009

For many young couples just beginning their married life, the biggest hurdle to cross is money. You both bring bills to the table. However, when you say "I Do" then the playing field becomes level. No longer can you say yours or mine. It has now become ours. Pre-nuptial agreements excluded.

If you resign yourself to the fact that if your spouse brings more debt, or even a mountain of debt. You are just going to have to accept it. It's almost like bringing step children into the equation. It's necessary to make those relationships work. No matter how lop sided the debt is, you brought your two worlds together, good or bad. So now you must begin to deal with it. How do you do that?

First thing is to sit down and put on paper what each of you brings to the table. Credit cards, Auto, IRS debt, Child Support, any debt. Get it all down on paper with totals and monthly expenditures. Don't be judgmental! You are a team not a judge and jury. Some people in their lives have made poor financial decisions. Not everyone manages money well. It's not a reason to bash. So now that you have it all on paper, work out a budget. When and how to pay what!

Here is where greed sets in. Let's say your partner's debt is much greater than yours. That a much larger percentage of money paid out has to come from you each month. Solution! Pay the lion's share of your own home (you & your new spouse) debt let the other use their money to pay their old debt. Contribute more to your own home budget for a time. At least you are paying your own debt.

When people get married they tend to have to relive their childhood. Share! You have to learn all over how to share. Remember, you both love each other and it's ours not mine. Neither can sit on their backside nor do nothing either. To make a partnership work, sometimes one contributes more than the other. You can't keep score like that or the relationship is doomed. It has to be a level playing field even then the field is at a 45 degree angle. Remember the tables could turn to.

So much emotion is tied to money. Taking loans from in-laws, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles all comes with strings attached. It also makes for weird family gatherings. Make sure when you deal with money in a family situation that you become very clear on expectations. Is this a loan, or a gift? If it's a loan have very clear and defined time lines. Don't over promise if you are desperate. Calm down and make sure all understand exactly what's going on. Be clear.

Money can tear apart the very best of relationships. Therefore, it's necessary to treat it with the same care and responsibility you would a loaded gun. It's that important.

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