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She says she is terribly sad and unable to get over this devastating loss. Buddha tells her to go to every house in her village, collect a mustard seed from each house that has not known death, and bring all the seeds back to him. She diligently goes door-to-door, and as she leaves each one empty-handed, she realizes that there is no home untouched by death. She returns to Buddha with no mustard seeds, and he tells her what she has already seen: she is not alone. Death is something that happens to all of us, to every family. it is only a matter of time. What is inevitable, he tells her, should not be lamented to excess.

A difficult sentiment to take to heart and remember but I think very helpful to recovering from a loss. You are not alone.

The biologist Richard Dawkins offers an interesting, and perhaps helpful, perspective in his book UNweaving the Rainbow: "We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born." Your parents were immensely lucky to have lived the lives they did and you are lucky as well. This is simply another way of embracing the Stoic advice to control our attitude towards what we cannot control. Death is out of our control but how we think about death and how we react to the deaths of our loved ones is something we can control. It can be difficult and may take meditation and reflection. But it can lead to a unique perspective on life, death, and the value of cultivating positive loving memories of those we've lost.

It may never be possible for academic thoughts to provide true counsel in a time of grief. But, once the grief begins to subside reflecting on these ideas may be immensely helpful. I sincerely hope so.

Learn more about this author, Kevin J. Browne.
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