by Blair Mahoney

Created on: February 05, 2007   Last Updated: May 18, 2007

We travel to another country, Biffville, known for its beauty, wide open spaces, uniqueness, and respectful citizens. After we arrive, citizens of Biffville help us find a place to rest, and after we settle in and put our clothes away, we go out for a little food and entertainment. After eating, our friendly Biffvillians take us to a movie, starring Sean Has-Been and Michael Moo-er. In the movie, the characters attack the values of Biffville, claiming the country is responsible for all the world's evils. The movie also shows brutal violence, pointless nudity, and lots of swearing. Those of us visiting Biffville come out of the movie confused about why Biffvillians would watch such trash. Are they insane? Don't they have any self-respect or feel any patriotism for Biffville? Do they like hitting themselves over the head?

It turns out we in America ARE the Biffvillians. We see Paris Hilton and Britney Spears going out and exposing their private parts for all of us to see. Jane Fonda is out there at anti-war rallies against the war in Iraq. She's the same kook who sat posing for pictures on North Vietnamese anti-aircraft guns targeting American airplanes during Vietnam war. She's a traitor. Clint Eastwood makes a film showing how mean the Americans were to the Japanese in World War II. Lindsay Lohan checks into rehab for the bazillionth time, as if she's the moral compass of America. She has acting abilities, I'm told. How much more of this can we take? Most Americans have high values, integrity, and courage. Soon there's going to be a backlash against the sickening people in the entertainment industry polluting society and making anti-American remarks. I'd like to start this backlash now.
Hit the loony entertainment people where it hurts: in the wallet. So Paris has another sex site out? So what. Don't visit it. So Britney's out showing off her private parts? Good for her. Don't buy her next CD. So-and-so actor has a DUI? Don't watch any of his films. The only reason these classless entertainers are even out there is because we're paying them. So stop paying them!

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