by Christine G.

Created on: July 04, 2009   Last Updated: March 15, 2010

Some people never seem to grow up. They may be charming, loving, and fun to be with,  but they fail to respond to life in age-appropriate ways. The ten-year-old who bullies others and has violent temper tantrums, the twenty-year-old who happily makes promises but never carries them out, the thirty-year-old who expects her spouse to give her absolute freedom while protecting her from the consequences of her actions, the forty-year-old who expects his spouse to passively watch TV programs she detests with him instead of pursuing her own interests, the fifty-year-old who still cannot stand up to his or her parents - all these are people who have problems with emotional immaturity.

What are some warning signs of emotional immaturity?

1. Lying. People who cannot or will not tell the truth are not ready to face the real world. Those who lie about small matters will also lie about big ones.  In time, they forfeit the trust of friends, family, and co-workers. Emotionally mature people will choose the truth, even if it is unpleasant, and deal with the consequences.

2. Inability to delay gratification. Those who suffer from poor impulse control and expect instant results often waste their gifts. Promising beginnings end in failure for lack of persistence. Emotionally mature people willingly endure long detours as they pursue their goals, and allow themselves to enjoy the scenery along the way.

3. Inability to take responsibility. Those who avoid accountability for their decisions, commitments, and performance cannot be trusted. Emotionally mature people are dependable and open to input and correction.

4. Blaming. Those who consistently cast themselves as innocent victims in every conflict are neither able to admit that they are fallible, nor courageous enough to undertake the task of making constructive changes. Emotionally mature people realize that they are not perfect, and understand that blaming others will not solve anything.

5. Neediness.  Those who chronically expect some other person, place or thing to make life worth living are tiresome burdens who become more and more dependent. An emotionally mature person will invest the time, energy and courage required to learn how to build his or her own sense of wholeness.

6. Inability to look beyond oneself. Those who have not outgrown the delusion that the world revolves around them cannot engage in satisfying relationships. Emotionally mature individuals are able to empathize with others and to invest in giving themselves without expecting to be rewarded.

We are all emotionally immature to some extent. Minor quirks can even add to our charm. However, people who are still children under the skin are bad news when faced with adult relationships and responsibilities.

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