by ...........

Created on: July 03, 2009   Last Updated: July 21, 2010

The first rule to this is as follows: ignore the rules.

Don't go on the rebound.

Make sure you don't let him/her see you cry.

Or the worst of them all, Pick yourself up and move on.

These are all the words of people who have survived a break-up and feel very proud that they are now seeing better days. (Well done to all of those people).

The point is, you just have to get through it, however you deal with it. It has been said that life is only 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we react to situations. There are things we cannot control, like receiving bad advice, criticism, even isolation from those who are meant to be our nearest and dearest. Sometimes though, our inner voice, which we all rely on to make our own decisions, can be drowned out by the background noise.

Coping with every day life can be hard at times of emotional stress. Ordinary things like going to work and paying the bills or an upset colleague crying over the loss of their dog can be enough to send you over the edge if you are having a tough time.

The trap here is that while we are not coping, our problems are growing, silently and vehemently. As problems grow and we lose faith in our own judgement, so do we lean on others for that great advice.

I say, while love is more important than money, coping with finances and every day living (regardless of income level) is more important to mental health than the love-life which has led you into this situation.

It is a sorry fact that when people are suffering, apart from the large percentage who think they know best, exists the small percentage of people who try to take advantage. Remember, listen to that inner voice.

Another pitfall of the break-up is working out who is right for you in your next relationship. It didn't work out before so why should it next time? Or, another angle, None of this is my fault, I can handle anyone. With the exceptions of emotional and physical abuse (for which there really is no excuse and nobody deserves this) separations are invariably accelerated by both parties, knowingly or in ignorance.

Finding someone 'better' rather than compatible is tempting.

Watch out for someone in a higher position willing to abuse their power: they might be suffering too. On the other hand, they might be taking advantage. If they are genuinely there for you they will make their move the right way.

Sometimes it is best to do nothing and see what presents itself.

When we are trying to get by, trying to rebuild our lives, trying to remember the warmth of another when day turns to night, where do we begin?

We lick our wounds and we call our friends.

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