by Daphne Cloutier

Created on: July 03, 2009

You're a level 97 magician, and level 98 is within reach. You've mastered the hardest skateboarding tricks and have the scars to prove it. You're the king of paintball, dirty jokes and everything else males find impressive. But the mere thought of engaging a female in conversation sends your heart on a non-stop sprint, your palms drowning in their own sweat and your legs into a mush that's incapable of holding your weight let alone carrying you toward the girl.

What is it that makes traditionally difficult feats of the mind and body into child's play yet the word 'hello' impossible to utter? Fear. A completely unreasonable fear brought on from any number of sources, but a fear nonetheless. The issue at hand is not the 'why' though it's the 'how to stop it' which conveniently comes in just a few simple steps.

Step 1: Breathe. It's quite possible you have heard of this before. It's a bodily function that is basically flow of air into then out of the body. It typically happens in a non-stop cycle, because an extended break in the cycle has a side effect often referred to as 'dying' which is the leading cause of death in the United States and several other countries. If you find at any time that the mere idea of speaking to a female has caused you to stop breathing, then you need to have yourself admitted to the nearest hospital. If and when you make a full recovery, have yourself committed, because there will always be women on this planet and if that's too much for you to handle then the outside world is not a place for you.

Step 2: Say "hello." ("Hi," "Hey," "What's up?" "What's new?" "How are you?" and "Hola" are examples of other acceptable greetings. - "Hey baby" "What's up, sexy" and any pick-up line ever are not acceptable unless you are trying to have yourself labeled as a 'complete jerk and waste of anybody's time.') If you use one of the acceptable methods, she will usually respond with a similar greeting, or if you chose to open with a question, she may choose to answer it. This is good; it's progress; it's called "talking."

Step 3: Continue employing this new found 'talking' talent. What ever will you talk about? That, my friend, is for you (or her) to determine. How would you normally strike up a conversation with a male acquaintance? Females are barely different. Use the same idea when trying to converse with them. You do have to be careful to ensure you're thinking only with the head that is located at the top of your neck and try not to find yourself too intrigued by body parts she has that you don't. Besides that, she is still human. Feel free to communicate with her as you would any other person.

Remember, there will always be people who don't like you, both male and female. Get over it. No human, including you, gets along well with everybody. That being said, be ready for some let-downs. Realize that it is not the end of the world and find other friends. Think you can handle it?

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