by Pauline Clementson

Created on: July 03, 2009   Last Updated: July 06, 2009

Whatever happened to chivalry? Is it 'gone with the wind?'

I don't think chivalry has 'gone with the wind' entirely, but I do think it has evolved as society has changed.

The basics such as opening doors, a hand under the elbow as a guide, a 'thank you', a 'please' and a 'may I' are still very much to the fore, at least in my little corner of the world. I think a major factor now is that women have recognised the need be on a more equal footing with men and have embraced the concept of chivalry.

Where it used to be the prerogative of the men to open a door for a lady or an Elder, women are now getting in on the act. I myself think nothing of holding open a door for a man, irrespective of age. I must admit that I get a few surprised looks, especially from overseas visitors or Kiwis from the Cities.

I was taught that good manners were how the world judged you and your deeds, and what is chivalry but good manners and consideration for others?

Chivalry seems to be more obvious in the urban and rural areas where communities are more closely involved with each other and trust is a factor.

In the city, if you smile at someone as you walk down the street you are looked on with suspicion. The recipient of your smile has no idea if you are disarming them before you assault them or pick their pocket. If you have a flat tyre and a man stops to give you a hand, how do you know if you are going to be safe? To be able to trust your fellow man in today's climate is very difficult.

That is not to say that chivalry is not noticeable in the cities. You can still see a door being held open or a dropped toy being handed back to a toddler or a person being spoken to with respect or being served with a smile and a kind word. You hear people claim that these things are only 'good business' or 'good PR'. They seem to be embarrassed to call these acts 'good manners' or 'chivalry'.

In communities where people know each other, trust is easier to find and chivalries are more easily acceptable. If you know someone, even if it's just by sight, you are far more likely to accept a helping hand from them than from a stranger.

You hear that the 'lady down the road' is under the weather so you take her a pot of soup. 'Joe Bloggs' has broken his leg and needs his lawn mown, so off you go and do it for him with no thought of repayment. Your partner has cooked you a lovely meal so you insist on her/him sitting down with their feet up while you do the dishes and clean up. Your partner/husband comes home after a hard day at work so you pour him a drink and go and run him a nice hot bath to help him relax. You've had a tough day with the kids so their Dad offers to take them to the park etc to give you a break.

These acts of kindness can all be called chivalry.

Chivalry 'gone with the wind?' I don't think so.

Learn more about this author, Pauline Clementson.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.