by christina christou

Created on: July 02, 2009   Last Updated: July 03, 2009

Knowing how to choose your battles when parenting teens is a useful statement, but difficult when in the throes of a battle. What you need to do is to decide before a battle ensues is what is worth fighting about and what isn't.

Each child has its own developmental needs. A toddler is at the developmental stage of becoming autonomous with his own body and movements. The toddler is finding out that they do not need their parents in order to get from A to B. Also, the toddler learns very quickly that screaming can produce results,whether it is to get their own way, or to stop the frustration of the situation by the parent removing them from the situation.

Many tantrums, yours and theirs, can be avoided by pre-deciding what kind of behaviour you will tolerate and which ones you will not. If there are two parents, these have to be agreed with between the parents, so that there is consistency. Children learn very quickly to use a loophole in order to fulfill their wish. For example, if Mummy says no and the child has learned that Daddy is a pushover, the child will try his luck with Daddy. Parents arguing over discipline do not set a good example to the child. The child will not take either of them seriously, especially as the child enters into teenagehood.

Therefore, once you have agreed with your co-parent what behaviours you will and will not tolerate, be ready for the torrent of emotions and battle of wills, for teenagers are made to be ego-led. They are the centre of their universe and what they want is more important than what you want. Of course there are exceptions to the rule. For instance, children that have been brought up by narcissistic parents who put themselves above anyone, even above their children. Also children who have been brought up in a dysfunctional family will have adapted to their environment by becoming very compliant, or very disruptive.

Each child is different; hopefully, the parents know enough about their child to be able to work with his character and temperament. If your child who has always been compliant has become a defiant teenager, be aware that hormones will be playing riot in your developing child. But do not use this as an excuse to let off your teen if they are being disrespectful or rude. If you do not speak to your parents or other people like this, you will probably not like to be spoken like this to either. Be genuine though, tell your teen you will not tolerate this kind of language, therefore, you

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