In His Hands
Like the leaves of autumn floating weightlessly toward unknown destinations, the memories of those people who have touched our lives for a moment flash silently through our minds, stirring our hearts. Effortlessly, they reach our souls and we can see, once more, the precious face of someone close, yet, so far. There is a comprehension. We are not alone. Forever, we have this spiritual intimacy, this treasure sent from heaven, celestial sympathy for our misery, our grief.
There is hope... Keep the Faith... Jesus promised me He would always be and I feel His presence, despite the pain and sadness of letting go, while still holding on, to someone so special there would be no possibility of forgetting who they were? How they lived? That example of love, unconditional and so very real. Jesus has him now... He has the one I miss so intensely.
We have no hero strong enough to fight for us against this one universal occurrence. There are no weapons sufficient to challenge this acclaimed conqueror. Death's authority is pitiless and cruel, without compassion for our pain or heartbreak, without second chances for our hope to take. Death leaves only one thing to comfort our ache. The memories we have made, the memories that won't ever forsake or fade.
Once again, I hear his laughter, a priceless treasure, sent to heal me and soothe away these pangs of loneliness and gloom. A failure, I could not save him. He went away too soon. Did he hear the way I felt for him without the sound of my voice to confirm what my eyes told him? Did he know that his presence was all I needed to make me feel less alone in this world? Was he listening when I said to him, all those "I love you's" and "hope you're ok"? Did he know that I was totally helpless when it came to the moment of his last breath? I can't help but feel comfort when I think of the time we spent together, sharing the moments, so rare and so precious, tiny scraps of time, woven together, linking our hearts and our minds and our lives. He was there for me and he cared for me, sometimes, more than I expected or accepted. He was alive, beautiful on the inside, a warm and gentle spirit, teaching me about love and life. It's easy to forget that he is gone forever, a memory, a reflection that calms my soul in times of chaos, a warmth that only lives inside me, reminding me that I am worthwhile, still, even though I couldn't save him when the time came for him to die.
If you were still alive; if you could hear my cries or see the tears on the inside, would you answer all my questions? Would you tell me why? Would you sit silently beside me, aware of all that I am today, all that I have been or hope to be, and simply let me feel the way you always did as if I'm someone special even when I'm a failure.
I miss you more today than I did yesterday. I think it's finally dawned on me that I won't be seeing you around the next corner. I won't be hearing your knock on my door. I won't be with you anymore. And, I know that I have lost more than I ever imagined possible. I wish that you could tell me what I should do to fill this empty space where you once stood, inside me.
Yes, I guess I know now I have finally understood. Love doesn't ever die. It only grows stronger with time. Love defies death's illusion of finality. Love reveals the truth of Jesus and reality.
I will always miss you but I will always have you with me, too, because love continues, faith abides and hope remains alive, the eternal promise of God's hand in ours is the hero, the conqueror over death's havoc and desperation. Love shines bright through the darkness, the shadow of death!
You are in His Hands what more could I ask for? Jesus, please take care of him. I want to see him again...