by Mark Schwartz

Created on: July 02, 2009

First of all, pets are not people. Most people recognize this, even if they feel like their pet takes on the characteristics of people from time to time. Pets can show emotion, provide companionship, and even protect us at times. Pets cannot own property, cannot legally marry, do not pay taxes, and a host of other things. As much as our pets may feel like people to us, they clearly are not.

The names we give to our pets are part of their personality. Some people like to name their pets with people names as a way to convey the personality of the person their pet is named for. For example, an English Bulldog named Winston, after Winston Churchill, brings to mind a rotund appearance and pouting face. However, for the most part, the people these animals are named after would not be very flattered by the comparison. To compare a human to a pet is degrading to the human, as no pet can capture the complexity and essence of a human. We even use degrading terms from animals to describe people: dumb as a chimp, chicken legs, elephant ears, etc. These animal characteristics are things that are embarrassing or unattractive in a human context.

The other problem with giving pets person names is that the person may be around when the pet is around, and there could be confusion and embarrassment when it isn't clear which one is being talked about. If you had a brother named Winston, to continue the example, and a bulldog named Winston, and you mentioned that Winston recently peed on your rug, there's a possibility for someone to take offense and/or get embarrassed.

Perhaps even more importantly, giving person names to pets wastes the opportunity to be creative with your pet's name. Inanimate objects, foods, abstract nouns, and other words can be used as pet names, often to comic effect. Many times it pays to accentuate the disconnection from humanity that our pets offer. The same English Bulldog, as another example, could be named something like Meatball, a name which accentuates the roundness of his/her face, and the lack of intelligence the animal seems to display. If you were to name a child Meatball, he/she would be teased mercilessly. For a pet, however, it can be a fun and distinctive thing. This opportunity to have fun with a pet's name is one of the reasons people enjoy having pets, and it is one that should not be rejected lightly.

We named our family dog Sugar, as she is a Shar-pei, and we liked the alliteration. Something like Shirley just wouldn't have cut it for us.

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