by J. Renda

Created on: July 01, 2009   Last Updated: July 03, 2009

Child discipline absolutely needs to start at the root of the one handing out the discipline and guidelines. For example, the strength of a parent should actually be measured in the length they are willing to go to, not necessarily to 'save' their child, we are not talking life and death as any parent would gladly give their child their lives. They must be willing to protect, monitor, guide, and motivate their children. They should be aware of the times they need to nurture to instill values, and the times they need to rule to instill values. By ruling, this term is used as 'controlling the house' in the best interest of the child.

A strong parent is someone that loves the child to no end, but loves the child enough to commit to being a parent during the fun times, and the not so fun times of being the one that is sometimes 'hated' for putting the foot down. Putting your foot down is necessary to ensure the child is still the child, and the parent is still the parent. It is also necessary to maintain rules that are consistent and clear. A parent that does not self discipline themselves as to the rules of reasonable mutual respect and verbal reasoning cannot expect a child to not use language of ill repute. If you are constantly swearing or demeaning a spouse it will be impossible to expect respect from a child that sees on a constant basis that the behavior is acceptable in the home by an adult.

For those parents that do not exhibit those behaviors, but may exhibit procrastination, lack of money management skills, lack of routine with enforcing curfew, lack of instilling 'earned privileges' , it may be hard to have a child comply with set rules regarding learning those skills or responsibilities. It is pertinent that we have our own standard of self discipline before dishing it out to others, whether those others are 'our' dna or not. They will see it as "you don't have to, so I don't have to do it either." Once that environment is established it is very hard to turn the tables.

We need to be the best models we can for our children. If we do not, we are robbing them of the necessary tools of success that they will need to establish a life outside of our home. We all would like to give them the things we could not afford, or weren't allowed to enjoy as children. We need to also allow them to learn responsibility, consequences, the value of working to afford your luxury items, and the simple core values such as respect, problem solving without violence, and time management. Ignoring your own rules and allowing a child to slide in late after curfew constantly isn't going to be a great basis to expect that they arrive at their first job on time and can maintain their responsibility to do so.

They won't learn what WE won't teach, and we cannot expect the public school system to substitute general studies for teaching them how to live life and be on the road to adulthood. Those transitions are our jobs. Our livelihood is the success of our parenting and our children, to be valued more than any dollar I earn at work. Kids will be kids, and we can't abolish fun. We need to maintain balance and our status as examples and teachers in our child's lives. The best advice to any new or weak parent that I can offer is "Parents, be Parents, not their friends. Friends will come and go. Your motivation, stability, and love will last a lifetime beyond your own and is far different than the love a friend can give them. There is no substitute for You."

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