by J. Renda

Created on: July 01, 2009   Last Updated: July 16, 2009

As a parent of three, the question has been asked previously numerous times by counselors, probation officers, teachers, police officers, pertaining to "Do you know whom he or she would see exhibit this behavior in your home? Have you had any previous experience with the law, jail confinement, alcohol abuse, physical abuse, psychiatric treatment, theft, drug abuse, illegal street drug use, or domestic violence?" The answers have been a steady and unwaivering account of 'none of the above'.

We cannot ,as parents, deny that any unfavorable or unacceptable behavior in the home or out of the home exhibited by us, in front of our children, will and can negatively impact their development. We can establish that specific behaviors or mannerisms can be picked up by our young by being subjected to routine displays of those said mannerisms. For example: A child that sees a mother continuously ask the father his comings and goings in a catty and beyond reasonable tone. The child may develop a sense of entitlement to demand being allowed to know every detail of the father's whereabouts and personal business. This, in turn, will foster the sense of the child 'policing' the father and not respecting his parental right to divulge only what is necessary or pertinent to family plans. Example: "Where have you been?! Why won't you tell me right now?! I said you better tell me!" This situation takes the mutual respect of a spouse knowing where the other spouse is, and turns it into a role reversal of a parent having to answer to a child; all over a mother with a rotten tone.

I can say in my experience that we have been through the 'ringer' of the Family Court system, the Public School System, family counselors, and the Probation department. My husband and I do not exhibit behaviors that the children exhibit. We do not lie, steal property of others, threaten others with a weapon, use street drugs, abuse alcohol, history of arrests or appearance tickets, or exhibit violence as a way to solve problems. The kids do ALL of those behaviors. The issue is that they do not respect nor acknowledge authority and have continued to do so for years. We have not let our foot up for an instant, yet the behavior continues. Grounding, confiscating coveted personal items, extra chores, apologies, restricted phone use, counseling, routine and random drug testing, community intervention, after school programs, speaking to them, court ordered probation, having them arrested, and repetition with

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