by Susan Elizabeth Wiggins

Created on: July 01, 2009   Last Updated: July 03, 2009

In reflecting back on the relationships in my life, I've come to realize, that while each man I've loved had some similarities, their levels of passion, commitment, and thoughtfulness were totally different. According to author John Lee, as he revealed in his 1973 book, The Colors of Love, there are three primary styles of love, just as there are three primary colors.

We all learned in elementary school that adding one color with another, creates a third color. In other words, red+yellow= orange, or, blue + yellow= green. Lee, theorizes, the primary love styles as- 1-Eros= Loving an Ideal Person 2-Ludos= Love as a Game 3-Storge= Love as a Friendship When any two of the above love styles are combined, they create a whole new love style, resulting in these secondary love styles (secondary is written in all caps)- 1-MANIA ...is the combination of ...(Eros+Ludos)= Obsessive Love (think- Fatal Attraction) 2-PRAGMA...is the combination of ... (Ludos+Storge)= Realistic and practical love 3-AGAPE......is the combination of.... (Eros+Storge) = Selfless love

Let's dig a little deeper into the Pragma style lover and see what makes him/her tick. As one reads the description of John Lee's "Colors of Love", we learn that the lover in the Pragma category is reasonable, rational, and realistic. These qualities make the Pragmatic lover sound grounded and down to earth. On the downside however, the pragmata (plural for pragma) can take those reasonable, rational and realistic inclinations a little too far making them seem detached and even unemotional in a relationship. When a Pragmatic lover decides to choose a mate, they approach the task very much like a comparison shopper does when looking for the best deal on a large kitchen appliance or set of tires.

At the top of their shopping list you'll find, quality and value. The Pragma entering a relationship for the long haul wants a partner who will share their values and will help them work to reach common goals. The advantage of pragmatic love is practicality and realism. Because they plan for the future, they constantly assess the costs and rewards of their relationships. These traits make pragmata more likely to avoid affairs or infidelity, because they are so keenly aware of the consequences.

The disadvantage the pragmatic lover is an ultra reserved attitude, and rarely displaying feelings of love. In its extreme form, pragma can become prostitution. They have the ability to separate their emotions and consider sex as either a reward or as a means of procreation. In the case of the latter, they will have studied the facts carefully, weighing the pros and cons far in advance, before they decide proceed with the act. You know where you stand with a pragmatic lover, however they may be lacking in the spontaneity or passion department. If those things aren't important to you, you may enjoy a long future with a pragmatic lover as they are known to be reliable and focused mates.

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