by Belinda Long

Created on: July 01, 2009

We are all adults here. Those of us who aren't will someday be adults. And as adults, we are responsible for our own actions. With this in mind, I have to wonder, what is the wrong kind of friend? Is it a friend who lies, who steals your lover, who talks about you behind your back? Is "the wrong kind of friend" someone who is involved in illegal activity? Without a definition of the wrong kind of friend, how is one to know what the right kind of friend is?

Certainly, some people attract the same type of people everywhere they go. Some people happily go through life doing nice things for not so nice people with the hope that it will someday come back to them. Some people attract honest and loyal friends everywhere they go. Some people think friendship is over rated and don't bother seeking it out. Does it mean they choosing the right or wrong "kind" of friend?Not really. Friendships don't flourish with no encouragement from either side. Something, no matter how insignificant it may seem to an outsider, has brought this friendship about. Something is keeping it alive.

I like to think that we attract what we need at the moment. If we never take risks - never push limits- we may attract someone who takes too many risks, or causes trouble by pushing the limits too hard. Friendship can be seen as sort of a social education. We learn from every friend we have. Maybe we learn patience from a friend in an abusive relationship or freedom from a friend who is fearless. We may learn compassion from a friend who has lost a child or when to let go from a friend who is addicted to drugs. Our friendships can take us anywhere, from to the hot, frightening corners of hell, to the very gates of heaven.

My point is you cannot attract the wrong "kind" of friend, because every friendship teaches us something. Friendship helps us grow as individuals and as a society. We learn how to communicate differently with each individual. We learn different coping skills. We learn that the exterior doesn't necessarily represent the interior.

No matter what choices the friend in our lives is making, we are actively learning from them. You cannot be drawn to the wrong "kind" of friend, but you can be pressured into making the wrong choices with that friend, which in and of itself, is a learning experience. Friendship is simply a building block to a better (or worse) you. Your own personal needs, desires, and even fears may draw you into a friendship and your own personal choices dictate whether the friendship lasts or not. But you learn so much in the process, there cannot be a right or wrong kind of friend.

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