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In the "good old days", marriage was taken for granted as the normal state of men and women. Since the Sixties, increasing sexual freedom, personal empowerment movements, and feminism have changed the rules of society in many ways. Nonetheless, despite the appalling number of failed marriages, matrimony continues to be viewed as a panacaea which will confer happiness, stability and social productiveness on the participants. Girls dream of fabulous dresses, mothers dream of grandchildren, fathers worry about the inevitable bills. Couples (often at the insistence of their parents) insist on a traditional religious wedding ceremony even though they have lost touch with the faith. The photo op is all-important. As the mythology of "happily ever after" perfumes the air, little thought is given to the marriage itself.

Some people are not suited for marriage. Some people are not fulfilled by a permanent life partnership. Some have career priorities which suck up 125% of their energy, leaving little to give to family and friends. Some find life more pleasant when they don't have to share their space. Some prefer the company of pets to that of people. There are even those who have no interest in sex, or prefer to channel their creative energies elsewhere. Celibacy as a chosen lifestyle is increasingly under fire as unnatural, but it has its liberating aspects. It is easier to make choices when we don't have to consider the welfare of a life partner or children.

Refusing to marry may regarded as an act of selfishness by someone who is unwilling to commit or share. However, it is a greater act of selfishness to involve someone else in a lifestyle that is going to give him or her grief. The career person who is never home cannot be an adequate spouse or parent. The adventurer who is constantly on the move will not give happiness to a spouse who would like to stay in one place and grow roots. A person who does not value emotional intimacy is a sword in the heart of a partner who does.

Marriage is a holy estate. It is designed to give two people strength and fulfilment that they could not have separately. A good marriage makes all sacrifices worthwhile, and is sanctified by dynamic love which is constantly renewed through challenges and celebrations, good times and bad, triumph and disaster, sickness and health, conflict and unity. Love draws marital partners out of themselves into concern for the other.

If one enters into marriage for the wrong reasons, the relationship quickly becomes a torture chamber. What seemed like a road to success, personal fulfilment, endless delight and social respectability soon bogs down in disillusionment, failure, and shattered self-esteem. A few fortunate and determined partners may undertake the difficult task of building foundations under their castle in the clouds. Most give up and move on in search of a new and improved partner, who usually turns out to be a carbon copy of the previous one.

When in doubt about marriage, it is best to wait. Waiting for a lifetime is better than making a mistake which will blight one's own life and that of others.

Learn more about this author, Christine G..
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