Many of the setbacks in our otherwise consistent life are due to associating with the wrong people. Why are individuals sometimes drawn to friends that are so wrong for them?

What happens when you go grocery shopping when you are hungry? What if you don't have a list? Do you make the best choices? Not likely.

Desperation and loneliness often lead to poor choices in friendships and worse yet, poor choices in significant others.

Most people have at least some likable, even admirable qualities. Perhaps someone that isn't a good fit as a friend has a quality or two that you envy. Could a sense of humor and outgoing nature camouflage a belittling person with a huge ego?

If you generally treat everyone with respect, you might attract the attention of someone that isn't accustomed to such niceties.

Maybe you enjoy a hobby that is usually enjoyed by people of a certain character. (I don't want to stereotype. I truly believe there are good people from every walk of life, but you know what I mean.) You can only rub shoulders with people for so long before they start to rub off on you. If you don't want to cuss like a sailor, maybe you shouldn't hang out with "sailors."

Movies often portray a harsh hero. Once you get to know him, it is discovered that he has a softer side. The heroin brings out his best. Maybe you've deluded yourself into believing that you can change someone else. A person will get close to the wrong friend. Some even get married and wait for a transformation to magically take place.

Change comes from within. A good friend is one that spots bad habits or patterns when they first begin to surface. They kindly point them out, hoping you'll make the right decision. It isn't the friend that does the changing, it's you. If a friend tells you there is spinach in your teeth, do you expect them to pick it out for you?

Some feel they've been sheltered, missed out on certain "rites of passage" and now want to go explore areas that were considered off limits when they lived in their parents home. A quarter-life or mid-life crisis may result in mismatched and unbalanced friendships.

Sadly, many people simply feel unworthy of forming close attachments. They believe that they are unattractive, unlovable, and even worthless. When someone shows an interest in them, those with low self esteem take the bait. Fearing they'll never have another chance at such a relationship they give everything they have to someone that won't reciprocate. Remember ladies; if you ask for a man ASAP, you can't be disappointed when he is just a man. (Of course the reverse is true as well.)

The heart is a powerful force. Often we listen only to our heart (or so-called chemistry). The heart speaks so loudly, we tune out that voice of reason in our head.

If you are in the market for a friend or a spouse, it would be wise to make a shopping list. What qualities are important to you? What characteristics are non-negotiable? Evaluate your past relationships and look for self-defeating patterns. You'll learn a lot about yourself and hopefully make better choices in the future.

Learn more about this author, Terra L. Fletcher.
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