by Kaye Booth

Created on: July 01, 2009   Last Updated: August 13, 2009

Take it from a mother who knows, the death of a child is something no one should ever have to go through. It is a heart wrenching experience that never truly ends. There will forever be an empty place in your heart that no one else can fill. Anyone who has not experienced it can't even comprehend what you are going through and well wishers who try to say all the right things and tell you that it will get better with time, really don't know what they are talking about.

After nine months, his death seems like it happened just yesterday. I can relive the awful feelings that I had when they informed us of our son's death as if it is happening all over again, right this very instant. The feelings are no less intense now than they were then. It doesn't hurt any less. Perhaps over many years, the memories fade, but the only thing that could mend this type of broken heart would be the return of the child that has been lost forever and that, of course, is not even a possibility.

My son was 19, when he took his own life, because the girl that he had dated all through high school had run off and got married, to the dismay of both of their parents; cheated on him with another guy. Looking at the situation from an outsiders point of view, the idea that he couldn't live without this girl seems absurd. To him, she was all that he had lived for the past four years of his life and he couldn't bear to go on without her.

I know how much he loved her and so, I try to understand how he could leave everyone else who loved him so much because of this one person, but it is a difficult thing to grasp. Everyday I come to realize what an important part of my life this child filled. Over and over again, I see him in places where he once was, but will never be again. So, how does one deal with the knowledge that one of their children decided to take their own life?

This is a tough question, to which there is not one "right" answer. There are many responses and coping methods that might be seen as a result of such a tragic event. Different people will obviously react in different ways. Some may use denial and refuse to admit that this is what really happened, perhaps denying the death itself totally.

Others may question their relationship with the child (i.e. "Didn't he know how much we loved him?" or "How could he leave us this way? Didn't he care about us at all?") Still others may react with anger at the child or at themselves, or even at God. Blaming ourselves is a common reaction

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