by Miranda Miller-Smith

Created on: July 01, 2009   Last Updated: July 02, 2009

As a recently married woman, I can say that I did not enter into marriage lightly, or intend to meet someone who has made me question my decision about taking the vows to love, honor and obey, to forsake all others.

When I innocently met another man, I could not deny to myself that there was in fact a serious attraction there, but I was also very aware of the fact that I just got married, and I am in no position to be playing the field. I have no intention of pursuing a relationship with this other man, but in my heart his name rings like a bell. I look into his eyes, and I am lost. Suddenly unable to maintain my train of thought. The situation is more complicated, a friendship has blossomed, and I know deep down, I cannot not have him as a lover, but I would be foolish to let such a magnificent, unique, intriguing and intelligent person pass me by.

I am in love with him, but at the same time I am as madly in love with my husband as I have ever been. I know I will not betray my husband. I am fortunate to be mature and rational enough to separate love and sex. I can love the man that I am not married to without sexual gratification. We can be friends, enjoy each others company, and I will never mention my love. It is to remain private.

When a woman falls in love outside of her marriage, she must consider her personal values and beliefs. She must choose which direction is the correct path for the journey of life. She might be torn and confused. How can it be wrong to love? Then again, how would you feel if it were your husband who had fallen in love with another woman? In my case, I had realized I must be true to myself, and my husband. I cannot take such a risk and hurt someone I love in the process. I would rather spend my remaining days wondering what could have been if I had allowed myself the luxury of admitting my love.

It is not possible to control our inner desires. We simply must have faith in ourselves and do the right thing when in a situation such as falling in love outside of marriage. I cannot tell you what to do, but I can tell you that a temptation such as falling in love outside of your marriage is a true test of your morals, personal ethics and overall character. It shows if you follow your head or your heart, and how you view society. I don't believe any type of love is wrong, and I will admit, I think I am conforming to society by denying myself the chance to share my love, but I made a promise to God and my husband, and I am a woman of my word.

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