by Rosa Holly

Created on: February 05, 2007   Last Updated: April 25, 2007

Spanking is probably the last subject one would expect to hear raised in a room full of single, twenty-something intellectuals drinking too much wine. Yet, that exact topic worked its way in amidst "foreign policy" and "local environmental campaigns" at a friendly gathering I recently attended. I was the only parent in the room and didn't bring up the subject, so I was surprised when it actually became somewhat of a heated debate between two of the other guests. I just listened for a little while until one of them, the pro-spanker said in a sort of joking rebuttal, "Well, do you have kids?" She wasn't speaking to me, but I immediately raised my hand, a la second grade, and waved, "I do."

I have two kids, as a matter of fact; a four-year-old daughter and a six-year-old son and as I told the lady who was speaking, I don't think it's necessary to spank a child in order for him to learn manners, obedience, or whatever else a guardian might want to wash her brain with. My direct experience of this theory in action is the ongoing challenge of co-raising my children with their father. We are separated, but maintain a good friendship and a similar view of parenting styles.

What I've noticed from observing families around me is that physical discipline such as spanking or pinching is often effective in the immediate sense, but causes its own new turmoil whose consequences for the whole family last much longer than even the memory of the original transgression.

__Are there really benefits?__

Children will test your limits in ways that can't even be imagined by the childless public and the desired outcome of spanking is the same as any other discipline technique: a parent wants their child to behave in a safe and socially respectable manner. Or sometimes the parent just wants to be at peace for two seconds and will do anything to achieve that state. Yes, a quick swat on the bottom will often cause a child to instantly morph into a solid and tranquil slab of marble for at least three minutes, but at what cost to the child, the parent, and the family?

__Consequences__

Most obviously, the child doesn't always turn into a marble slab after a spanking. Sometimes, especially if he is already upset, he'll transform into a wailing banshee instead and refuse to be disciplined or comforted for an excruciatingly long period of time. If you are in the middle of the grocery store with a screaming child, any length of time is excruciating. The first inclination is to imagine this scene

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