For a first-time parent, it is important to realise that even the best-behaved toddler will have an occasional temper tantrum. Temper tantrums are a normal part of childhood development and can vary, depending on the nature and temperament of your child. It is also important to know that your child's temper tantrums are not necessarily a result of poor parenting. Family members and others may judge you on your child's temper tantrums and you should ignore them.
Temper tantrums involve whining and crying and may include screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath-holding. Equally common in boys and girls, they usually occur between the ages of one to three. As mentioned earlier, tantrums vary depending on a child's nature and individual temperament. While some children experience regular tantrums, in other children, tantrums may be rare. Some children are more prone to throwing a temper tantrum than others and you may observe these differences between your own children.
Why Temper Tantrums Occur
Toddlerhood is a stage where children are most actively learning about the world around them. They are learning new skills, rules, and boundaries on a daily basis as well as learning to deal with the intensity of their emotions and how to cope with them. When they experience difficulties completing a task, their only means of expressing their frustrations is through tantrums.
Toddlers are also egocentric and believe that the world revolves around them. Naturally, when they are prevented from taking something they desire or when they come up against the boundaries that parents have set, their inability to cope with their emotions and disappointments becomes evident through tantrums. While the reason for a child's disappointment might seem small and insignificant to a parent, it is important for a parent to realize that for a two-year-old child, running out of a favourite cereal really is the end of the world.
Certain situations can also make temper tantrums more likely to occur. For instance, when a child is tired, hungry, uncomfortable or seeking a parent's attention. Tantrums also result because of a child's inability to express feelings through words, hence the reason why they are most common between the ages of one to three, when children are still learning the language of communication.
Tactics Avoiding Toddler Tantrums
1. Communication Skills
First, it is important to be aware that temper tantrums begin to decrease as children develop the language skills to express their feelings. Having the ability to articulate their emotions can provide an alternative outlet for their frustrations. It is important, therefore, to help your child channel his or her frustrations through an alternative outlet by offering them language.
Because children understand a lot more than they can express, some parents have found that teaching Sign Language to their infants can help reduce tantrums. A child can learn to sign before learning how to speak and having this alternative means of communication reduces the level of frustration he or she feels. Sign Language can be taught from as early as five months old, however, when the child learns to sign will vary from individual to individual. Some children may begin signing as early as 10 months old, while others may not begin to sign until past the first year.
Being able to articulate what they are feeling and what they need or want can help toddlers feel more empowered. This helps to prevent tantrums that arise from the frustration of not being understood.
Language and the ability to communicate is one of the keys to reducing tantrums, therefore, anything you can do to help your child develop the necessary communications skills as early as possible will help reduce tantrums. For instance, studies have found that children with whom parents speak to often as babies tend to learn to speak earlier. Encourage your child to express his or her feelings and offer words you think would describe what his or her feelings.
2. Dealing with Tantrum Triggers
Toddlers are generally more prone to tantrums when they are hungry, tired or bored. As a parent, you will learn to read the signs when your child is tired, hungry or bored and can usually circumvent such tantrums by acting appropriately. Making sure you keep plenty of snacks on hand for times when meals might be delayed, activities to keep bored toddlers from getting into situations that may trigger a tantrum, and ensuring that your toddler gets enough sleep to avoid fatigue-induced crankiness.
3. Removing Tantrum Triggers
Toddlers are naturally curious. It is their curiosity that prompts them to learn more about the world around. It is also their curiosity that gets them into trouble. They want to touch everything they see, including Mum's Ming Vase and the remote controls to Dad's home entertainment unit. To avoid such battles of will, keep off-limit objects out of reach and out of sight.
In instances where a coveted object has been seized, the distraction technique can sometimes work. Simply replace the forbidden object with an equally desirable object that your toddler can have. If it is a forbidden activity, then begin a new activity. Remember that the older your toddler, the harder it is to distract because older toddlers tend to have a longer attention span.
The benefit of an older toddler, however, is greater understanding. While you remove the object of desire, you can explain why it is off limits. Remember to offer something in return that your toddler may have. For instance, "You can't jump on the couch but we can play hide and seek."
4. Positive Reinforcement
Always be on the lookout for good behaviour and reward your child with attention and praise whenever you can. This encourages them to act appropriately to gain more praise and attention from their parents. Praising your child for good behaviour encourages more of the preferred behaviour.
5. Provide Lots of "In Time"
Sometimes a child acts up because he or she isn't getting enough attention from a parent. Studies have shown that children would rather experience negative attention than no attention. Make sure your child isn't acting up as a means of gaining attention by providing plenty of opportunity for spending time together. A child whose attention needs are satiated doesn't need to seek negative attention.
6. Offering Choices
Toddlers want autonomy and a chance to exert their independence. Being given the opportunity to make decisions for themselves makes them feel important rather. Toddler like to be asked for their opinion rather than being told what to do. However, it is important to thread carefully here. Offering too many choices can be overwhelming so it is best to keep it to a choice between two selections. For instance, "Would you like to wear the blue t-shirt or the white one today?"
7. Select Your Battles
Before the age of one, a child is often encouraged to try everything. Every whim and fancy is met with a positive yes. As a child grows older, they begin to encounter more nos as they learn what behaviours are not acceptable and which objects are off-limits. The frustration of always hearing the word no can be very challenging. It can be equally hard on a parent to always be at loggerheads with a child.
Try to minimize confrontations by assessing what your child desires before saying no. Sometimes the desire is not necessarily an unreasonable one and can be easily accommodated. Accommodate whenever you can and be firm and consistent when you cannot. This helps to keep your nos effective, as a toddler who hears the word no too often begins to become immune to it. Reserve your "nos" for the non-negotiable events and situations. Also remember that when you say "no", stick to it. Don't change your mind after the fact because it communicates to your child that your "nos" can sometimes be turned around and children are quick to pick up on that.
Although some tantrums simply cannot be avoided, there are many ways to manage your child to minimise the number of tantrums you both have to endure. These are just some methods that have been found to be effective and may vary from toddler to toddler. Remember that every toddler is an individual with different temperaments, preferences and feelings, therefore the tactics you use to manage your toddler will have to be specific to your own toddler. What works for some parents and toddlers does not necessarily work for others. Keep testing until you find what works best for you and your toddler.