by Author Name Withheld 135

Created on: June 30, 2009   Last Updated: July 03, 2009

My own personal experience of attempting to get back with an ex was a negative one. The first time around it ended in tears. The second time around it ended (quickly) in tears, tantrums, bitterness and a lot of resentment.

But my relationship was just one relationship! The question of whether you should get back with an ex or not depends on several factors. However, the most important, certainly, is why you broke up in the first place. In my case, my partner cheated on me. A betrayal of trust like that, I learnt, can never really truly be forgotten. There were hidden insecurities as a result and I simply found myself entirely unable to trust him and even, to some extent, respect him again. Once someone crosses a line like that, I really don't think there is any stepping back.

But what if a relationship ended on good terms and for reasons such as practicalities? If you ended your relationship because you partner moved away, for example, and he or she returns, should you try again then? What if you ended because of opposition from people who no longer oppose, such as one partner's family disapproving, for example?

The point is it really comes down to why you broke up in the first place. If there were problems that caused the breakdown of your relationship in the first place, could they really have just disappeared? If you love someone enough to want to get back with them, chances are you always loved them that much and as such it probably took something massive to make you leave in the first place. Those issues probably have not just vanished into thin air. And if he or she was the one who walked out, why put yourself through the possibility of having to get over that again? How can you guarantee their staying power this time?

My own personal outlook on life is that we should look at the path ahead at all times. Don't look backwards. Keep the memories and enjoy them in your head. But going back to a relationship that proved itself not to work once is just setting yourself up for a repeat of the same hurt you went through the first time. Call me a cynic, but I personally don't believe that it is ever possible to offer someone a truly clean slate, even if you want to. We can't just force bad memories and hurt feelings from existence!

Yes, it's incredibly difficult getting over someone you are in love with. But it's even harder the second time around.

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