by Stefani Andrews

Created on: June 30, 2009

With any social and romantic situation people tend to be drawn to those they feel most comfortable with. For the most part, we subconsciously attract people who are similar to us. This can also be said of self-esteem. As a general rule, people with low self-esteem tend to attract those they'd feel comfortable with, others with low self-esteem. This is not always the case, and sometimes those with low self-esteem will intentionally seek out a partner with high self-esteem in order to feel better about themselves. Either way it can have a profound effect on a romantic relationship and in extreme cases can mean the end of the relationship.

One of the most causes difficulties with partners and low self-esteem is defensiveness and over sensitivity. If you feel that you are somehow worth less than others or that your partner is somehow better than you, it's likely you won't take any criticism from them in a non-defensive manner. It's likely that someone with low self-esteem will feel they are being criticised or chastised when they are not. This leads to many an argument over an innocent comment that was simply taken out of context or taken too personally. If both partners have low self-esteem there will often be a tennis match of hurt feelings and over sensitivity that can put a strain on even the strongest relationship. The result of feeling hurt is for the partner to retaliate. To come back with something even more hurtful and deny that the retaliation wasn't justified. Another common method of being defensive is denial. It is common for a partner with low self-esteem to even consider that they may have done or said something wrong. Ultimately this is not done with the intent of starting a fight or causing hurt feelings, it's done to protect them from possible rejection and abandonment.

Another effect of low self-esteem in a relationship can damage both parties is jealousy and controlling behavior. To an extent it makes sense, at least from the perspective of the person with low self-esteem. Essentially, they probably feel completely unlovable. It's likely that they feel if they are not perfect and do one single thing wrong, the relationship is over. With those feelings running through one's mind, its only natural that they feel their partner will constantly be on the lookout for something and someone better. This can lead to a lot of jealousy. If the partner mentions a co-worker of the opposite sex, it can spawn a jealous rage and the partner with low self-esteem will likely want to block that person totally from their loved one's life. It's even possible that jealousy can be sparked over a best friend, opposite sex or not. This can lead the other partner to do anything to make their low self-esteemed sweetie more secure, even going as far as isolating themselves. But the sad part is, nothing will make them feel more secure because they honestly don't believe they deserve to be treated so well.

The end result in all of these feelings and behaviors is resentment on the part of one or both partners. Resentment really has only one solution, the end of the relationship. If low self-esteem is to be conquered in a relationship, it must be combated fiercely. Sometimes that can mean some psychological counseling to help that partner see the good wonderful person they are. It can be done, but it takes work and there is no overnight solution.

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