Thinking of sending your girlfriend/boyfriend a text message? Think he/she may be your soul mate? Exchanged cell phone numbers? Perhaps a guide to the do's and don'ts of text messaging in relationships may be beneficial to you.
Text messaging has fast become the ideal way to interact with others. Almost everyone owns a cell phone in this fast paced world of technology. Such a wonderful commodity it is, enabling all and sundry the ability to keep in contact with loved ones, friends, family, school teachers, acquaintances, work colleagues etc, at all times. Yet text messaging has its advantages and disadvantages. When used in relationships there are a host of things one must take into account, and these entail consideration to our partner and so much more. Text messaging has its pros and cons just like a myriad of other useful gadgets in this world.
When one is in a relationship, text messaging etiquette should come into the equation. There are a host of things to consider prior to sending messages to your loved one. While consistent communication is vital to a strong relationship, text messaging can be a little overdone and overrated. In actual fact, how we go about text messaging can make a relationship successful or place a load of stress on it.
For example:
Have you ever had the experience of meeting someone, giving them your mobile number and then been inundated with text messages just prior to hopping in bed? It goes somewhat like this. It's 10:30 pm, you've had your shower and are snuggled up in bed, you've already started to count fleecy sheep when all of a sudden your phone vibrates. It's that guy you met at the disco last week, who said he'd give you a call!
Remember me? It's John from the disco last week. ( Obviously he has no clue what an appropriate time is! ) Of course you use your manners and respond politely, Yes, I remember you! you state, ( while smothering a hug yawn.) Back he comes with, What are you up to? Another yawn follows and you say Errr umm, not much. Well now that you've responded, the messages go back and forth like some sort of text messaging marathon. See? One of the many pitfalls of text messaging when dating!
While text messaging which is also known as SMS (short message service) has its benefits, (fast communication and so forth) it also has a vast array of downsides. It takes away the confidence we gain when we meet face to face. It also makes for what many deem as lazy dating.
Why would it be deemed lazy dating?
Because many partners see text messaging as making an effort as far as relationship input is concerned, but deep down they're delighted that they can still do their own thing. But relationships need more input than text messaging. They need face to face input as well.
So what are the do's and don'ts of texting in relationships?
Follow these tips below for appropriate text messaging when in a relationship. They may help you to fully comprehend the pros and cons of sending messages to a potential partner, as well as teach you proper text messaging etiquette.
1) Request a text:
Do ask the person to text you when you give out your number to a new guy or gal, otherwise they may think you are just being hospitable. This tells them that you really are interested and that the number is a legitimate one.
2) Say more than Hi!
Say a little more than just Hi when you send your first text message, otherwise you might get a simple Hi back and not know how to proceed. A simple Hi there, hope you're well, is much better option. It paves the way for a little more in-depth text conversation. Obviously you don't want to rack up your phone bill with a heap of one word messages.
3) Text within 24 hours:
If you've found that person you deem as that special someone, text them within 24 hours otherwise they may think you aren't really that interested in them.
4) Don't go overboard with abbreviations etc:
Don't go overboard with acronyms and abbreviations. Texts with MTFBWU (may the force be with you) and too many LOL's (laugh out loud) ROTFL (rolling on the floor laughing) are a little off-putting to a potential boyfriend of girlfriend. These are text messages best left for sharing with family and close friends. New beaus may deem those type of messages as a little immature and think that you're just stringing them along. Basically thinking this is game play and nothing more than that. Besides, abbreviations can often be misinterpreted.
5) Don't push for a date:
Don't push for a date via text. Perhaps a little nudge in the right direction would be more subtle. Such as I've got a craving for Chinese food, do you know any good restaurants? This is a little more genteel and doesn't put the other person on the spot to ask you ask out if they're not really interested in a date.
6) Be careful what you send:
Remember that text messages can be forwarded, so be cautious and choose what you say with caution. You don't want your sexy messages or transparent lingerie pictures to be sent to all and sundry. Wait until you know without a doubt that you have an exclusive relationship before you text all your secret fantasies etc.
7) Love messages:
Romantic loving messages are acceptable and of course the recipient will be delighted. (That's if the recipient already knows how you feel.) Saying I love you, for the very first time via a text message is little too impersonal. Not only that, you don't wish for your partner to go into shock while they're manning machinery or an acid bath!
8) Sweet words:
Be prepared for the fact that an I love you message, may not gain you the response you wish. But if you have already spoken of love and the feeling is mutual, there is no need to send more than one loving text per day. Too many messages can actually get on the nerves of the recipient after a while.
A different single message each day is wiser. Something such as; Have a great day sweetie, thinking of you, sending you hugs and kisses etc, is much better. You don't need to sound like a broken record. Your partner would much prefer the variations of loving messages anyway.
9) Always answer your messages as soon as possible:
Although you may be busy, respond to your text message as soon as you are able. This is proper text messaging etiquette. If your partner is texting you a little to often, tell them that you are busy, but let them know you appreciate the fact that they are thinking of you. Remember that when you are in a relationship your partner often sees you as their next of kin. Therefore the message may be very important, so don't ignore it for too long.
10) Don't keep the messages going back and forth all day:
Not only is text messaging expensive, texting back and forth all day displays a host of insecurities. Say what you need to say, make it short and sweet and let the original contact person have the last say. Don't make your partner feel as if they are being stalked. Numerous people have ended a relationship because this is how they have felt when their partner goes overboard with the text messaging. If there is something truly important you need to say or if it is an emergency, call and get to the nitty gritty immediately.
11) Don't make a convenience of text messaging:
Keeping in contact is a must, but making a convenience of text messaging can be annoying and somewhat disheartening. Don't allow text messaging to replace actual face to face quality time, otherwise your relationship will suffer.
12) Running late?
Text messaging allows you to inform a person that you are running late, must cancel a date and so forth. This shows that you are good natured as well as considerate. But don't make the message too long or they may doubt your sincerity.
13) Written in black and white:
Remember that text messages can be saved. What you say could be thrown back in your face at a later date. If you are having a little spat with your partner don't say anything that you wouldn't like to come back and bite you on the tailbone. Be aware that messages can be forwarded and that sometimes nasty people like to humiliate others.
We often say things in the heat of anger, ensure that you don't text something that you will later regret. Arguing through text messaging is childish and a coward's way of dealing with relationship problems. An occasional Grr! is ok to show frustration, but hashing it out through text messaging won't resolve anything, in fact it usually has the reverse action. Written in black and white, angry messages can be a constant remainder of the nasty things you have said.
14) Gossiping through text messaging:
Swearing and talking behind other people's back? This could come back to haunt you. It'd be so embarrassing to find out that all your text messages have been passed on to others wouldn't it? Think of what you are texting and be aware of the fact that there could be more than one person reading your messages. A so called "special person" who appears so angelic, could be saving the gossip to name and shame you.
15) Don't use text messaging for teasing:
Text flirting is fine, if you mean it. But don't text message someone merely to hurt their feelings or toy with their emotions. And be careful in lieu of who you are flirting with, you may attract some undesirable responses. If you text the wrong person and string him/her along with sexual teasing etc, you are playing a dangerous game and could be placing your safety in jeopardy.
16 ) Text messaging should never be used to relay bad news:
Relaying bad, horrific or heartbreaking news via text messages is not acceptable behaviour, have the integrity and self respect to tell someone bad news face to face.
17) Text prior to that first date:
Surveys show that a myriad of people feel more comfortable on a first date if they have already communicated via text messaging. This allows the couple to feel a little more at ease with each other, get to know a little more about their persona and learn a little about likes, dislikes and so forth. You have something to fall back on when you do have your first date. Conversation starters could then be; I loved that joke about the chimpanzee you sent me via text, it was hilarious!
18) Short but considerate texting:
If you are extremely busy and receive a couple of text messages from the same person, at least be considerate enough to explain why you could not/can't respond immediately. Something such as: "Soz, office meeting" is ample information, now turn your cell phone off so that you are not disturbed again.
19) Lock your cell phone:
Often jealous or inquisitive partners snoop and pry into your business by picking up your cell phone when you aren't looking and checking out your messages. Lock your cell phone and have it on your person. Nobody has the right to infringe on your privacy, if there's no trust, you have no loving relationship anyway.
20) Don't act as though your cell phone is your life line:
You can do without your cell phone for a little while. Nothing is more frustrating than trying to enjoy a date while their date's cell phone consistently goes off. Continual interruptions to conversations will become extremely frustrating to the person who is hoping to enjoy your company. Consistent interruptions don't do much for romance, they're a sure fire killer!
Text messaging friends and family while on a date only makes you look as though you are trying to win a popularity contest, it's ignorant, rude and extremely disrespectful. In actual fact it displays a lack of integrity, manners and intelligence. It also displays insecurity and disinterest for your companion. Only text message while on a date if its business or an emergency.
Text messaging has its various benefits, but nothing will ever replace face to face conversations. In-depth discussions, hands on interaction, nectared kissess, walks beneath a haloed moon, personal bonding and growth. Unfortunately text messaging has created a society which is becoming more and more ignorant to the true joy one can gain from a relationship which involves, sweet endearments, hand holding, enjoy a partner's facial expressions and looks of love and contentment. You can't get those from a cell phone!