by Tracey Cox

Created on: June 30, 2009

Heartbroken, devastated, humiliated.....These are just some of the emotions a betrayed spouse feels after they discover the person who vowed to love them forever is cheating. I know these awful feelings all too well. My husband cheated on me with a married coworker for over 2 years before I discovered the overwhelming evidence. It's been 3 years now and I still remember D day like it was yesterday. D day, also known as the day of discovery, is a term coined by betrayed spouses because this horrific event is forever etched into the back of one's mind. In the initial days following, It's like living in a nightmare........ you can't believe this is actually happening............kind of like 9-11.

Infidelity, without a doubt, is the most damaging blow a relationship will ever endure. We've endured job losses, medical problems, disagreements about the allocation of household chores, you name it, but nothing can compare to the destruction that cheating causes.....Nothing..

Couples who have never experienced this type of trauma think of infidelity as a black and white issue. Some feel "Once a cheater always a cheater", and that you should end the relationship immediately after finding out, while many Christians say that spouses should forgive their partner of their sin in the same way that God has forgiven us for our sins. I can tell you from personal experience that the emotions one feels after such a tragedy takes years to unravel and there is no right or wrong answer.

I know for a fact that many couples are able to overcome such an ordeal and create a satisfying relationship together. It all depends on if they want to and how much effort they are willing to put in to make things work. After meeting dozens of couples who have been shattered by an affair, I noticed that there are a few key components that will either make or break the relationship after disclosure.

The first one is remorse. Cheating spouses that are not remorseful lack the compassion and empathy betrayed spouses need in order to heal. No relationship can move forward without the acknowledgement of such a offense and an appropriate apology.

The second issue is trust. The cheating spouse needs to be completely transparent, break all contact with their lover and be accountable for their whereabouts at all times for as long their partner feels this is necessary. In most cases, this is a life sentence. Blind trust will never be given freely again.

The third issue is forgiveness. Most betrayed

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>