by JRR

Created on: June 29, 2009

In one way or another, most people have something about themselves that they are self-conscious about. Things about themselves that they wish was different or that they could change. For some people, it goes well beyond this, to a point they are affected in many aspects of their life.

There are numerous reasons one suffers from low self esteem. Causes can range from a physical illness or imperfection, depression to having suffered some type of abuse, among many other things. Regardless of the cause, the effects can be far reaching, including dating relationships.

Any type of relationship takes a varying degree of trust, even a casual dating one. To trust someone else, one must trust and believe in themselves. When suffering from low self esteem, this can be quite a challenge. If one doesn't believe in ones self, how can one believe in anyone else. Thankfully it is possible.

For over 20 years I have been in an emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically and sexually abusive relationship. After years of hearing how bad a person I am, how bad a mother I am, that I am only good for one thing and still not good at that, it began to be something I believed. Even more damage was done by hearing how fat and ugly I am and that no one else would ever want me much less love me. It all took its toll, leaving scars that run deeply.

Three years ago I met Anthony. For the first time in my life I learned the meaning of true love, mutual respect and a healthy relationship. Through his love, patience and understanding my self view is slowly changing.

When one suffers from low self esteem, they have a very difficult time seeing anything good in themselves. They don't see how anyone else could find them interesting or attractive, when they see nothing good. They find it difficult to realize that others don't see them as they see themselves.

People with low self esteem often compare themselves to others. They criticize the things they dislike about themselves or that they feel don't measure up to either societies or their own perception of what beauty/good looks or what a good person may be.

This can be difficult for their partner to understand and even harder to deal with. They may begin to take it as something wrong with themselves because they feel they can't meet certain needs. It can bring about feeling of inadequacy.

In Anthony's view, I am beautiful, perfect for him in every way. He tells me these things and more, every time we talk and I know he means every word. Still, even after three years, there are times I feel he deserves better than me. That he deserves someone sexier, more beautiful. Thankfully, those thoughts are only mine and he quickly lays them to rest, often without even realizing it.

Maintaining any type of relationship takes work from both partners. When one has a low sense of self, it sometimes adds additional challenges. Ones that can be addressed and overcome with patience, understanding and honesty.

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