by Aslean Krouser

Created on: June 29, 2009

Relationships...

I've been in these relationships year after year, and for the life of me I can not understand the love that is drawn to me. Mr. Right I called him, he was so gentle and innocent. I thought his youth will never mature. His day was my day, my day was his, together we play through the sun and the rain. "I love you," he whispers behind my right ear. I chuckle with this childish sound," I love you too, my honey dew." So beautiful, so perfect, and true, not a doubt in mind that he wasn't Mr. I do. Through the trails we'd ride our bikes, at the parks we'd picnic until dark, day after day, month after month we smothered us other nonstop. I never thought we will come to an end, but I am afraid it did. He was my joy thats all I knew, but its seemed as if I had no clue. He was sick and tired of being my dew, he said he needed space, now what was I to do. Nothing, absolutely nothing...this man, my man, had him Sue. My heart left as he left me behind. I couldn't understand, "What did I do?

Tired of crying, and feeling blue, I phoned my friends and had a drink or two. We out having a good time. I was approached by this gentlemen, who wanted to dance. I felt no problem, its just a dance. One dance lead to a table and a chair. Our conversation was great, he looked great, clean cut, nice linen, and a bright smile. By the end of the night we exchanged numbers. I thought to myself, "Girl you not going to call him," and I didn't. Three days later he phoned me, talking with his low voice. For 2 weeks we spent time on the phone getting to know each other, then he asked me out on a date. I was speechless, kinda hesitated, but I went ahead and said,"Yes." On our date, he holding doors, pulling out chairs, feeding me dessert, "Awe how nice," I thought. After several dates, he was still the same, well mannered. He never asked for the booty, or asked me to his house, we drove passed there, but that was about it. O lord why did this night have to come. He suckered me into letting him come to my house. No problem, I fixed him dinner and dessert, but I did not feed it to him. However I fed him something else, and right after that meal, I wished I never gone there. And I wished right, but it was too late. Home boy bounced, completely, no more dates, nor phones calls. I was like what the hell! Why waste my time?

A year later I am all about me. Did not have a care in the world about anybody. I had friends, don't get me wrong, and they were male friends as well. But this one particular one came around more often. We would go any and everywhere. We had relations as well, but it was cool because we didn't want to be in a relationship. When I got tired of him, it was nothing he was gone. Another year gone by, and we are still doing the do. Until he started talking about feelings, that he had for me and a whole bunch of other garbage. Yeah, I am calling it garbage now, because I am far away from him now. That man was crazy! And so was I to believe and take in everything he said as if it has some value. As soon as I let down my guards and became one with him I was living dead. Dead to my friends, family, coworkers, and anybody else. I could not work without him calling me every minute, showing up unannounced. Turned me from my friends,"They're no good for you," he would say. One thing lead to another, his controlling manner turned into physical abuse. Physical abuse turned it mental, and mental turned into emotional, I was a wreck. The key word, "was." I made it. I survived, through them all my relationships. But I am still wondering "What the hell, what did I do?"

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