Humor: Philosophy

1 of 5

by Frank Baugh

Created on: June 29, 2009

My shower is my oracle of Delphi. I don't know what it is about taking a shower, but it is here that I get my best thoughts. Honestly, it is amazing. It was in the shower that I chose my profession so long ago; it was in the shower that I decided to ask my wife to marry me; it was in the shower that I had the insightful flash that the astronauts really didn't land on the moon, but that all that was done in a studio in Hollywood-and all other truths that I have come to live by. If it had not been for shower thoughts, well, my life might have been okay. But there are showers and there are thoughts, and here I am.

One morning recently I was taking a shower preparing to take the kids to school and go to work. I heard the kids listening to some cartoon show that, of all things, was talking about philosophers. That, in and of itself, was odd and attention getting, until it became obvious that the philosophers were being denigrated. Anyhow, I had of late been somewhat disappointed with my profession, and as the steamy water dashed over my furrowed brow it dawned on me that I am a philosopher!

A pursuer of Wisdom! A person whose philosophical perspective enables him to meet trouble with equanimity, is the way philosopher is defined in the Dictionary.

"Yeah, that's what I am! I meet trouble with equanimity! Yeah, that's my true calling! I'm gonna be a philosopher like Plato, or Socrates, or Kant, or Marx, or Mark Twain! But how, I asked myself, do I become a professional Philosopher? I'm sure the novice has to study for it. Hey, I know! I bet the Government will make me a loan to commence this new profession, kind of like a small business loan!"

So I resolved to call the Feds and pursue the matter.

After depositing the young ones at school I tracked down the phone book and delved into the blue pages under Federal Government. After an hour of confusion I finally found a listing in there under some obscure agency that simply said "information." This I called.

"Hello," a suspicious voice answered.

"Yes, is this information?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I want some information about Government Loans."

After a pause the voice asked, "Where did you get this number?"

"Out of the phone book."

"The phone book, huh?"

"Yes."

"That's pretty smart, sir. Hold a moment." Then I hear all this clicking on the line. "Are you still there, sir?" Beep.

"Yes.

"Please speak clearly into your receiver, okay-beep.

"Why?"