Parents have specific expectations of how their children should behave in private and in public. Family rules, values, morals, and ethics are established when children are very young. Discipline is used to reinforce good behavior and to help a child stay within the guidelines the parents have instructed. Discipline is needed to help children remember the rules and expected behavior. It should never be administered when parents are extremely agitated or angry. When this happens, as parents are yelling and threatening, they become as the child they wish to discipline. This is what the child sees and reacts to. He becomes angry and loses the opportunity to learn how and why his misbehavior is unacceptable.
For some behaviors that are unacceptable, such as a child begging for something after he has been told, "no", ignoring is the best technique to use. It also works well for children who get dramatic, acting out in public. Whenever possible, walk away from the child after you have explained that you cannot deal with her until her behavior changes. Theatrics only work for children when they have an audience. When in public, such as a shopping center, tell your child you will be leaving the store immediately if the misbehavior does not stop. If your child continues to misbehave, follow through and leave the store. For discipline to be effective, parents must be willing to follow through every time.
Positive reinforcement works best when parents use this technique while children are very young. Catch your child doing something correctly, or doing something without being told, and compliment them. Children strive to please their parents and are thrilled to receive kudos from them. A simple compliment such as, "Debbie, I liked the way you picked up your toys without being reminded", will encourage your child to do this more often. In public, such as dinning out as a family, you might compliment the way your child remembered his table manners.
If negative reinforcement is used, it must be administered correctly to be effective. I like to call this technique the "Andy Taylor and Opie" form of discipline. If you intend to spank your child when he misbehaves, do it when you are calm and rational and not in a fit of anger. If this means that you put your child in time-out for several minutes until you are calm, then do so. Once you can calmly explain the misbehavior that he will be spanked for engaging in, use a wooden paddle made for spanking and spank no more than four times. Do not use the full force of your strength. Children should be spanked as a form of correction, not as punishment. It takes very little force for a child to realize he does not want to be spanked again.
For older children, the loss of privileges is a good technique to use as discipline. Make sure the punishment fits the crime. The loss of phone privileges for three months for a minor rule infraction will only cause resentment and fail to teach your child that rules have a good purpose. Be realistic. If you deny all social activities when you know there is an important family social event that is coming up, you may have to miss this event to stay home with your child. Be specific and deny your child the opportunity to participate in a social event that involves only her.
Time-out works well for children who have difficulty regaining control of their emotions or tempers. Sometimes, a child needs thirty minutes of solitude to appreciate why you have rules and the dangers of breaking the rules. Time-out in a room filled with fun things to do is counter-productive. Make sure the time-out area is an area you can easily watch your child until the time-out is over. Make the area free from all activity.
Whatever technique you use to discipline your children, be prepared to follow through. Empty threats, yelling, the use of profanity, or striking in anger are techniques that do not produce the desired behavior from your child. These techniques only reinforce bad behavior and can be considered child abuse in some cases. Be in agreement with each other as parents concerning which techniques you will use and stand united with each other, not allowing your child to play one parent against the other. Remember, no parent is perfect and all parents make mistakes. Some techniques do not work well for all children and techniques may change as your child grows.