by Barbara Stanley

Created on: June 29, 2009

Parents have specific expectations of how their children should behave in private and in public. Family rules, values, morals, and ethics are established when children are very young. Discipline is used to reinforce good behavior and to help a child stay within the guidelines the parents have instructed. Discipline is needed to help children remember the rules and expected behavior. It should never be administered when parents are extremely agitated or angry. When this happens, as parents are yelling and threatening, they become as the child they wish to discipline. This is what the child sees and reacts to. He becomes angry and loses the opportunity to learn how and why his misbehavior is unacceptable.

For some behaviors that are unacceptable, such as a child begging for something after he has been told, "no", ignoring is the best technique to use. It also works well for children who get dramatic, acting out in public. Whenever possible, walk away from the child after you have explained that you cannot deal with her until her behavior changes. Theatrics only work for children when they have an audience. When in public, such as a shopping center, tell your child you will be leaving the store immediately if the misbehavior does not stop. If your child continues to misbehave, follow through and leave the store. For discipline to be effective, parents must be willing to follow through every time.

Positive reinforcement works best when parents use this technique while children are very young. Catch your child doing something correctly, or doing something without being told, and compliment them. Children strive to please their parents and are thrilled to receive kudos from them. A simple compliment such as, "Debbie, I liked the way you picked up your toys without being reminded", will encourage your child to do this more often. In public, such as dinning out as a family, you might compliment the way your child remembered his table manners.

If negative reinforcement is used, it must be administered correctly to be effective. I like to call this technique the "Andy Taylor and Opie" form of discipline. If you intend to spank your child when he misbehaves, do it when you are calm and rational and not in a fit of anger. If this means that you put your child in time-out for several minutes until you are calm, then do so. Once you can calmly explain the misbehavior that he will be spanked for engaging in, use a wooden paddle made for spanking and spank no more than

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