by Susan Quilty

Created on: June 29, 2009

According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), acquaintance assault (or "date rape") involves all sexual activities that occur against a person's will and are imposed upon them by someone they know (a friend, date, acquaintance, etc.).

Approximately two-thirds of rapes are committed by someone known to the victim. Often the rapist is a friend, date, or even a spouse. Acquaintance assaults most often occur without a weapon, but are perpetrated through means of force, violence, duress, or fear of bodily injury.

While acquaintance rape is more common than rape by a stranger, it's effects are no less traumatizing. Victims of acquaintance rape often blame themselves for the assault. They fear that they have sent the wrong message or put themselves in a position to be assaulted.

Myths about rape persist. Many people believe that rapes only occur in dark alleys, at wild parties, or in deserted parking garages. The statistics show a different picture:

* 4 in 10 sexual assaults take place in the victim's home

* 2 in 10 sexual assaults take place in the home of a friend, neighbor, or relative

* 1 in 12 sexual assaults take place in a parking garage.

Most rapists are not knife wielding strangers in black masks. Rapists may be attractive and charming. Rapists may be in a long-term relationship, or even be married. Rapists may be someone you have dated or been intimate with in the past.

A past intimate relationship does not equate consent in the future. Any non-consensual sexual act is sexual assault, regardless of the relationship between the rapist and victim.

While it may not be possible to detect a rapist, there are common warning signs that everyone should be taught to recognize.

Three Stages of Acquaintance Rape:
(*As described at RAINN's website.)

1. Intrusion - Attempt by the offender to violate the victim's personal space and level of comfort. May draw close by revealing personal information or through "accidental" touches and stares.

2. Desensitization - Occurs when the victim feels comfortable with the offender and has come to regard intrusive actions as no longer or, at least less, threatening. The victim of the desensitization may feel uneasy but convinces himself or herself that the feeling is unfounded.

3. Isolation - The offender uses the victim's trust to isolate him or her from others.

When dealing with a friend or acquaintance, people are taught to be polite and give others the benefit of the doubt. Yet personal safety must come first. If a relationship appears to be following the pattern of the three stages of acquaintance rape, it is important that you speak up for your rights.

If you are uncomfortable around another person, listen to your instincts. Do not let a fear of being impolite put you in harm's way.

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