by Taina Patmore

Created on: June 29, 2009

It's happening all around you. Mountains of lace and tulle are being whisked around. Diamonds are sparkling everywhere you look. Your girlfriends are registering for housewares and you are the only one left to catch the bouquet. You've been with your partner for quite some time now, but he still won't get down on his knee for you. What gives? You've reached a point in your life where you're ready to move on to the next step, but it seems that he isn't on the same page? Is there anything you can do? Is it time to move on?

Ah, if only matters of the heart could be answered with simply a "yes" or a "no". Perhaps this would have been an easier question to answer twenty years ago, but in this millennium marriage has become less of a necessity and more of a symbolic gesture with tremendous consequences for failure. Before you jump the gun and jump ship, there are many factors that should be considered before getting married.

Why marriage?

The most important question you can ask yourself is, "why do I want to get married?" Make a list. Be as honest as you can. When you're done read them out loud to yourself. Pretend you are your significant other. Are these reasons he would be able to give you for wanting to marry you?

If your reasons include things like, "my friends are all married", "I'm getting to that age", "we've been together for long enough, people are starting to wonder", or "my parents are asking me to" then you are basing your desires for marriage upon the whims of others. Marriage is simply not the kind of thing that you do for other people. In the end, all of those people who influenced your desires are not going to be the ones actively involved in your relationship, and therefore should be kept out of it.

Why not marriage?

Have you spoken to your partner about your feelings? Open communication is a key factor in any successful relationship. If you're thinking marriage and haven't spoken to her about it, then you're skipping a big step, and, frankly, you're being unfair to your significant other. You can't expect him to be a mind reader. Just by opening the doors of communication you may find that your boyfriend/girlfriend was just as afraid to bring it up as you were.

However, you may discover that he isn't ready for such a big step. Ask him to tell you why, and discuss what factors will make it easier for him to do so. Are there certain goals he wants to meet? Discuss whether you can meet those goals as a couple, or if they are things he must

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