by Sarah Barendse

Created on: June 29, 2009   Last Updated: July 03, 2009

July 7th 7:30am. This is my surgery date for tumescent liposculpting. I am doing my upper and lower abs, flanks, hips, and back.

My entire life, I have always had this shape. Or should I say Miss-shape. I have never felt like my insides match my outsides. I am a beautiful girl with very high self esteem. At 5'3" I weigh 138 pounds with long dark highlighted hair and green eyes. I have done modeling in the past, but the one problem area that always had to be covered in some way or camouflaged, that no matter how small I have gotten, how hard I have worked out , or how well I eat simply will not change. I have baby belly only I have never been pregnant. That is a very unfair genetic trick. Looking in the mirror, It does not accurately reflect what I see as my body image in my head. In my head I look far better, and with the lipo I intend to make these images match. What I see in the mirror can be best described if you think of one of those 3 layer flip books you have as a child where you can create new monsters by flipping one or more of the three sections - head, middle, and bottom. My head and bottom match but someone had turned the page and given me someone else's middle!

My decision to have this procedure done was not an easy one. I had to be financially prepared - you get what you pay for, and going cheap on cosmetic surgery never sounds like a good idea. I wanted a well renowned Doctor with plenty of experience. Besides the money, it is a scary thing to commit to. I do realize the risks. But in my case I feel that the benefits out weigh them. I have lived 34 years of my life self-conscious about this area and I do not want to live the next half of my life the same way. I live in Florida and spend a great deal of time in a bathing suit and frankly I am tired of sucking it in, which only sort of helps, and draping myself in a towel. I have been watching videos of the procedure and must say that I am glad I will be under general anesthesia. I am shocked that people are OK with being awake through this. I want to go to sleep and wake up a new improved version of myself.

They have given me prescriptions for anti-anxiety medications along with pain killers for afterwards. They have also given me vitamins to take pre and post op to reduce swelling and bruising. I am just a week away from the surgery date and am doing pretty well, I haven't had to take more than a couple of the anxiety pills. More than anything I am excited. Clothes will finally fit right and I wont have to try and hide my stomach anymore.

I know liposuction isn't for everyone. I really think this will enhance my overall feeling about myself and life in general and as much as I am partly terrified, I am also elated and excited.

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