After an influx of messages to my apparent new belief system and my ignorance and my desire to continue my studies without justifying my mentality every day,

I hereby allow you into my mind, way of life and walk into the path of my thinking patterns-

For the first and last time.

Kabbalah to me did not begin because I woke up one day and was bored with London, nor did it begin because of my desire to be or marry in Judaism. (In fact Judaism does not agree with the laws and studies of Kabbalah)

Kabbalah began after a brutal breakup that no church or scripture classes could cure me of. After recognising that for many years going to church did nothing for me but waste 2 hours of my week, I figured I should just stop going- This was well respected by my mother who never woke me up on Easter Sunday or Christmas Day. I refused to even walk into one on my Holiday in Croatia, Considering it a contradiction to my own thoughts.

I had my own stigma attached to God. I once remember walking into a church by myself 5pm on a weekday, long before I knew anything about Kabbalah and asked him,

"Why me? Why do I have an unloving relationship? Why have I had pre-cancerous cells twice in 6 months? Why is there no strength in me anymore? Who the hell am I? Did I honestly deserve this pain?"

With tears strolling down my face.

I still had no answers- So I gave up.

For myself and Only for myself.

I will never preach Kabbalah to anyone I know, most of the time, I will refuse to even talk about it or tell anyone about it

Because I believe deep down, everybody understands it in their own unique way and a true Kabbalist is guided to the Zohar.

To me, Kabbalah has given me a sense of direction,

A light that I understand is always there-

Even in a dark room-

All I need to do is trust my guides.

Guides, that have continually proven to me to trust a pathway I still cannot see.

A light that can be considered an act of good will,

Helping another person,

Any form of personal fulfillment that is not unjust and selfish.

Kabbalah to me is about understanding my ego. Understanding that the higher my head is in the clouds, the more people I neglect and hurt around me and therefore a level headed and true to self mind frame will always act as the catalyst for a personal satisfaction and content ambience.

Along with this, Kabbalah has helped me control my selfish desires and allowed me to distinguish between what I do need and what I just want to gloss

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