by A.K

Created on: June 29, 2009

You wouldn't know but I think about you everyday.

I lay in bed first thing when I wake and last thing before I rest and wonder,

When our eternal battle will resign itself and let us be the best of friends.

I know it is all my fault and I am first to admit to my endless imperfections that leave you living a life of constant despair and anxiety as to what I will do next, how I am and if I will ever be that person I always told you I will be.

Its hard mum. I am alone no matter how many friends I appear to have. I am alone in my own head,

starting from nothing stuffing up and having to constantly remember you are the one and only person giving me these second chances.

But I chose this, I chose this ugly struggle that I wake to and desperately try to sleep on and don't think for a moment you don't cross my mind.

I see you ahead of me, I feel you behind me and I wish you were beside me.

I secretly wish I was under your roof, on my 6th snooze of the morning followed by your voice telling me to

get out of bed because I am going to be late for work. I never was because I would speed once I passed the speed

cameras and run through the shopping centre. It was my mental and physical work out for the day before my meetings and duties.

I secretly wish that I just got home at 5am and as I run barefoot up the drive way and sneak my way into your

house, you would get out of bed and tell me we'll talk about "this" in the morning. Those are the sleepless nights

I wish I only had to worry about today.

I secretly wish I could still call you from work and ask you what you were making for dinner, just incase I had to

stop by maccas on the way home... I miss your cooking so much, even when you made spinach and I had my face in

MacDonalds as you wondered when I would feed my body proper food.

I secretly wish it was the middle of the month and as I walked through the door, I knew exactly what you were going to yell at me about "Your phone bill is how much? are you out of your mind?" I knew exactly which bill was coming when and I always yelled back by shutting the door.

I secretly wish you were still sitting in the living room watching TV as I got ready to go out. You watched me go from my bedroom, to the bathroom, back to my bedroom, then to the mirror, then back to the bathroom, then running back to my bedroom to answer the phone, then a few messages then all over again for an hour and as I walked out to you and showed you what I was

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