by Tami Beck

Created on: June 29, 2009

Small talk is an excellent way to begin a conversation. After all, we share a common experience with everyone we might meet. For instance, we all experience weather, and commenting on how nice or nasty the weather is brings us together in social interaction as we build a conversation on our shared experience. Small talk is good, in and of itself, in casual social settings. But what if you find yourself wanting to get to know someone a little better? What if you want to get below the surface of small talk? How can you effectively communicate once the superficial things in life have been discussed? How do you transition from the familiar "is it hot enough for you?" or "how's work going?" to finding a deeper common ground with someone you want to relate to? For a shy person, small talk can be difficult even in a relaxed social setting, and communicating below the surface of that can become a daunting challenge. Yet, there are several things you can do to effectively communicate beyond small talk..

First, be sure to listen to the other person during your "small talk" conversations. Take time to hear what the other person is saying. A conversation about the weather can give clues to where she has lived, or to a frightening weather experience she might have had. Ask her about it, or relate an experience of your own. Soon the conversation can develop into your personal philosophies on how to get through the storms in life, as you share the worst (or best) experiences in your lives. Effective listening leads to effective communication beyond the small talk.

Be sure to ask the other person questions, but nothing too personal until you think he's comfortable answering. While chatting about the weather, a simple question like "Was that the worst storm you've seen?" can bring forth a deluge of information that is valuable in seeing the depth of the person you're communicating with. Talking about past experiences is a good basis for a deeper conversation, as we remember what we felt ,and how we reacted to, our various life experiences. Remember to relate your own experiences as well. Soon the conversation will evolve to a new, more personal level, as you compare your experiences and discuss the similarities and differences. Well-placed questions are a valuable tool for effective communication beyond small talk.

Whether you're a social butterfly, or shy and reserved, effective communication beyond small talk can be challenging, but is well-worth the effort. As you listen to others, ask pertinent questions, and share your own experiences, you'll soon be rewarded with the rich friendships that blossom beyond the boundaries of small talk.

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