by M.A. Dal Cero

Created on: June 28, 2009

Divorce is a devastating experience, but there does come a time when, as Frank Sinatra once sang, you have to "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.". Of course, the notion of "starting over" will have different meanings for each individual who has endured the pain and heartache that accompanies a divorce, but it need not be viewed in a negative light. Rather, it is a wonderful opportunity to discover who you truly are, and it is the perfect chance to begin a positive new chapter in the book of your life.

Far too many divorced individuals fall into the trap of believing that a divorce spells the end of life as they once knew it. While it is true that life will now be different, it certainly does not mean that life is over. Quite the contrary, when viewed in the proper perspective, life merely begins again in a number of new and interesting ways. However, in order to fully embrace this idea, it is essential that you change your attitude and outlook on the situation. Bluntly stated, you can either choose to spend a great deal of time and energy wallowing in a wide array of negative emotions about both yourself and the fact that you are now divorced, or you can decide to begin your life anew with excitement and anticipation. This is not to say that you should suppress or deny your emotions, or that you should not spend a reasonable period of time grieving the loss of a marriage that you once hoped would withstand the test of time. However, if you truly want to move on, then it is important that you go through the grief process, but also refrain from remaining in it.

That being said, how you choose to embark on the journey into your post-divorce life is entirely your decision, and one that you will make once you gain a full understanding of who you are as an individual. Many times, people who have been one-half of a couple for a significant portion of their lives have a tendency to forget who they once were before they were married. Often, they set aside their hopes and dreams in order to do what is best for their spouses and children, and as a result, when they become divorced, they feel as though they no longer know who they are. Therefore, it is essential that you take the time to discover yourself again. For some, this might mean joining a club, going back to school, or picking up a hobby that they once enjoyed. Others might benefit from traveling, reconnecting with old friends, or spending time alone engaging in inner reflection. The key is not so much in how you begin your path to self-discovery, but simply that you do make a start in the right direction.

Lastly, keep in mind that starting your life over after a divorce is not an overnight process, but one that requires time and patience on your part. Also, there is much to be said for the power of positive thinking in the face of life's inevitable ups and downs. Divorce is certainly one of the downs, and is seldom, if ever, easy or pleasant. However, it is an opportunity for personal growth and development, and a chance to wipe the slate clean. The pain of a divorce is always eased by time, and in its place comes the rare gift of a new and better life.

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