by Robert Duncan

Created on: June 27, 2009

Bugs

My patio is a beautiful shady haven on a hot summer day but when I'm out there the one thing that will annoy me is bugs. Did you ever notice how big and plentiful bugs are in the hot weather? A respected teacher once explained that these creatures will hibernate in an egg state all winter to hatch in summer's heat. Personally I believe they all come from Hell, and as the summer temperatures rise, they appear among us to enjoy the dank heat and blistering conditions that drive sensible humans into madness.

Recently, while sitting in my favorite lawn chair, on my patio, sipping fresh lemonade, I saw two bugs that made my skin crawl. One, a long black thing with yellow eyes and a segmented body looked like a grasshopper, but was not. The other was a small green thing that looked like a fly but was not. These two bugs, denizens of the underworld no doubt, landed on my patio table. Their apparent comfort in spite of my presence made me uneasy. I could have crushed them, and probably should have right then, but I didn't.

The yellow eyed creature turned toward his compatriot and signaled him with a swiveling movement of his head. Then a flick of his antennae directed the green bug to buzz my face. I swatted at it but missed. Turning to look for yellow eyes I discovered him perched on my shoulder. Terrified, I bolted from my lawn chair swatting, and smacking at my attackers. Deftly, my tormentors avoided every blow, all the while pressing their attack. I stood my ground, flailing at them with a rolled up newspaper in one hand, and a small pillow in the other. I succeeded only in striking the air around them.

Spinning to bash the grasshopper I tripped over the top step of the patio, and as I tried to catch my balance my left foot ripped through the webbing of my lawn chair. I stumbled to the floor cursing at the fly now buzzing my head. My shin bruised, my lawn chair broken, I limped into the house, retreating from battle, slamming the screen door behind me.

Nursing my wounds, I wondered if I had suffered some bite that would later send me to the hospital with a mysterious condition no doctor could yet diagnose. I gazed out the screen door observing these demons on my patio. The fly sat on the remains of my lawn chair while yellow eyes sipped my lemonade. My paradise lost.

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