by Barbara Stanley

Created on: June 27, 2009   Last Updated: February 02, 2010

Divorce is nearly always a traumatic event. When children are involved, the dissolution of a marriage is especially difficult. How you tell your children about the impending divorce is critical in their ability to adjust to the dramatic change about to occur in their lives. While there is no easy way to talk about divorcing, there is a mature way to handle the changes about to take place.

Both parents should be together to announce that a divorce is very likely or that you have filed for a divorce. The ages of your children will determine what terms you use and how much you tell them. For children aged four and under, the word "divorce" is confusing. You would do best to simply explain that mommy and daddy will be living in different places. As much as they can understand, tell them when they will be visiting or staying overnight with each parent. No matter what age your child is, do not explain that the two of you have stopped loving each other. Children will fear that either or both of you will stop loving them.

Older children will understand what divorce is and realize that their lives will change in many ways.. Their security is being removed and they will have feelings of great sadness, fear, and even anger. Allow your children to express their feelings as long as they are respectful in doing so. Explain that each of you are responsible for the decision to divorce. Children will usually blame someone for these changes in their life. It is best if they understand that both parents have decided to end the marriage. Be honest. "Your mother/father and I have come to realize that we do not have a romantic love for each other which is necessary for a marriage to work." Children will understand the difference between romantic love and the kind of love people have for friends and family.

Answer questions your children have about the changes that will take place in their life. Tell them where they will live, how often they will see the non-custodial parent, and about changes that will affect their after-school activities. Explain any differences in your current financial situation. Assure them that you will work to keep any changes as painless as possible. If there will be new people in their life, such as boyfriends and girlfriends or step-parents, discuss it with your children and listen to their feelings and concerns. For the best way for children to deal with divorce, it is recommended that new relationships wait until children have settled into a new

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