by Wendy Rodley

Created on: June 27, 2009

My original family is made up of one girl, me, and three brothers, one of which is a half brother. My own family consists of three sons. I am the second youngest, my half brother being the 'baby' of the family. My observations, therefore, are going to be subjective on the female side and overly weighted on the male side.

The three of us who were the result of my mother's first marriage, went through a savage divorce which meant we were separated when we were all under ten years old. My two brother's went to England from Canada with my father and I stayed in Canada with my mother and subsequently my half brother. There were only brief holidays together, mostly once a year, so we were on our best behaviour with each other when we did meet. I look back on that now and realise that we were terrified of making any waves in case it caused another separation. None of us were told what was going on, no explanation of any kind given. My father was replaced by an unhappy, cruel and judgemental step father whilst my brothers were put in harsh prep schools while my father pursued his diplomatic career abroad.

With this chilly background we have now lived through marriages and having children of our own. I have had two marriages and two significant, live in relationships so far. One brother has had a successful marriage and two daughters and my other full brother has had one marriage and no children. My half brother has had three children and two marriages and lives close to our mother.

Now, how do we deal with conflict amongst ourselves? I decided at a very young age to fight my corner and became 'the angry one'. My eldest brother who became a successful journalist, drank to avoid pain and when he gave up drink, had a nervous breakdown. My middle brother hides from conflict of any kind. He will only watch gentle films or television and if there is any conflict in the family will be deeply upset, have sleepless nights. I went into therapy when my first marriage became dysfunctional and in so doing, was helped to deal with conflict by facing it and working through it where possible, or at the very least, walking around it without carrying it. My relationship with my mother is the most challenging and draws on ever deepening reserves. I have the most honest relationship with her in that I will tell her when I think she is being unreasonable whereas my brothers simply avoid exposing themselves to her in any way. Our relationship with our father is unique

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