13 of 16

Write now Article Tools

Being the middle child of three, I fully understand how sibling rivalry functions in a family and how it continues into adulthood. In my case, it was made all the more difficult due to the fact that the two older kids were adopted by the biological father of the 3rd one.
The constant struggle for attention and competition for approval made life harder for all of us. Even now as adults, we struggle for the attention of the parents and are constantly trying to out do each other. The intensity has died down some but the underlying issue is still there.

Some families deal better with this issue than others do however. The parents play a large role in how well this is done. If the parents openly acknowledge that one child is favored over the others, it is even harder to deal with. It's made even more difficult when one parent chooses one child and the other parent chooses another, leaving the 3rd child to fend for themselves. It does not matter whether its the oldest, youngest or middle child that is left out. Usually the oldest is one of chosen ones and the middle child is left out in the cold so to speak. Its the choices of the parents that are the root cause of sibling rivalry. The competition for parental approval and acceptance runs rampant in families with more than one child.
As the children reach adulthood, the choices that are made sometimes fuel the fire. If one child goes on to succeed in life, the others are constantly trying to out do them in whatever way they can. If all three children basically fail in life, the one with least amount of failure is the target for the other two. If all three succeed, the one with the most success is the target. There are several combinations that can be played out and all with the same result.
There is no cure for sibling rivalry. There is no cure for parents picking and choosing which child they will favor. Parents will never admit to it, but they all have a favorite child. Whether or not they admit it, the children know. Children can detect subtle things between their parents and the other children in the house. Ask any kids in a family of 2 or more and they will all know who is the favorite. These little things fuel sibling rivalry, whether its out in the open or "hidden". As parents, all we can do is try to equalize the amount of time we spend with our children, see them all as individuals within a small group and love them unconditionally. We will never stamp out sibling rivalry, however, we can minimize the effects it has on our children when they are young and as they mature into adults.

Learn more about this author, Chris C.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about When and why childhood sibling rivalry continues into adulthood?
We want to hear your view. Write now!