by Daphne Cloutier

Created on: June 27, 2009

After the third person asked, "Are you OK, you seem... I don't know... annoyed?" And I replied by screaming quite loudly at the computer, into the phone, or just in the face of the unlucky person who happened to be dumb enough to ask, "I'm fine! Why does everybody think I'm mad?!" It occurred to me that I might be stressing ever so slightly.

How to properly stress yourself out to the point you don't even remember why you're stressed.

Step 1: Sleep well. When you wake up in the morning, you have to have had the perfect amount of sleep in what may be the absolute most comfortable bed on planet Earth. Better yet, make sure you wake up smiling with memories of silly dreams still on your mind. The happier you are when you wake, the more destructive your snapping point will be.

Step 2: Talk to your best friends. As many as possible. Make plans for the day, the following week, and even the general future. Gossip about boys, chat about your life. Make sure you share every delightful detail of everything you've done since you last talked. Repeat this process with any friend who will listen. Don't forget to listen to your friends as well, about their boyfriends, their new puppies and their upcoming vacations, so you can be as happy for them as you are for yourself.

Step 3: Act on the plans you've made. Right before you do though, be sure to be a positive influence on your family. Watch TV with your mother, ask your brother about his day. Have a good time with them and follow it up with friend time. Go bowling, take a walk, watch a movie marathon. Do something fun and active (or not) that involves friends and fun times. Spend as much time as you possibly can with your friends, just enjoying each other's company.

Step 4: Go home. Be in a wonderful mood. Find your house is empty and you have plenty of time to clean, do computer stuff, goof off and just have well-deserved alone time. Enjoy some time with yourself. Read a book, watch a movie, listen to music. Accomplish something you have been meaning to do. Do whatever it takes to relax after a long excitement-filled day.

Step 5: Bawl your eyes out. Yell at any available friends. Be angry for no apparent reason. Hate everybody for talking, breathing and especially existing. Lose things, break things, blow every little thing that happens out of proportion. Remember every bad thing that has happened to you in your lifetime. Then, cry some more.

Step 6: Take a deep breath and calm down, because it's all over. You have now properly had a complete stress attack over nothing and for absolutely no reason. This is true stress. You're having the best day of your life and then all of the sudden you feel like crying. There's no trigger; it just happens and when it does you just have to let it.

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